Caution!

"Somebody stop me!" I think that's Jim Carrey's famous line from Ace Ventura, right? I'm really feeling that line in my own life lately.

Even more so since Romans 13:11 caught my attention today. I quote it from The Message for you: "But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God." Pretty intense, I think.

I get so caught up in what I'm doing or what the next thing I'm supposed to do is. I usually blame "our crazy city life." I was really convicted as I stopped to reflect on that verse. I don't take time to slow down. I don't take time to just stop and breathe. I don't stop to remember Christ. I don't stop to acknowledge Him. Is He really my everything? Is He really what my life is about?

I'm thinking about posting some of these signs around my house, maybe one in my car...just to give me a visual reminder that I need to stop, slow down and be mindful of Christ. These last 6-7 months, it's becoming more and more real to me that I am in control of my life. I've known that. But I haven't lived it. I'm in control of my thoughts. I'm in control of my actions. I don't always have to wait and just react. It's my responsibility to take the initiative and be mindful of Christ working in my life. It's my choice to be thankful. It's my choice to be happy. It's my choice.

But I can't make those good decisions if I don't slow down. So, here's to moving forward...slowly!

Counting

What a week it's been! Thanksgiving time with family (or at least some of them); the traditional Black Friday shopping and breakfast at Braum's with my parents; my father-in-law is admitted to the hospital for four days; and I had a tooth pulled yesterday.

I've been thinking a lot about, well, just a lot of things. The holiday season is here. I was just in awe last week as I listened to some of my clients, the younger ones. One has been missing school because he lost his only pair of shoes. The other said his mom wasn't cooking Thanksgiving dinner because she didn't have a pan for a turkey...and I suspect they didn't even have money to buy a turkey. The reasons for not having money for food are a whole other debate, but still, the kids had to miss out. That got me to thinking.

The kid that lost his only pair of shoes....how many pairs of shoes do I have in my closet. I've been too afraid to go in and count them. When I was shopping with my parent on Friday, we had brought along one of my cousins. She is 13. I was asking her what her family does for Christmas. She said, "Nothing." Her parents don't buy presents. She does get stuff from her grandma, so she's not completely without. But I felt like such a low-life. Here me and my parents are dragging her from store to store buying Christmas presents! Here we are making a big deal about what to get for who and what color and what size! Ok, she did want to come...but, seriously...what am I doing? Makes me not want to buy any presents. Makes me want to return the ones I already bought.

What are the holidays really about? Food? Gifts? Decorations? Credit card limits? Wrapping paper? Lights? Finding the perfect pumpkin? I don't want to be extreme, but I think I need to find in my own heart the reason I do what I do during the holidays. What am I teaching my own kids? "Make your list early, so we can find all the things you want!" Wow.

I think Christ wants me to remember Him first of all, and my family and be thankful for what I do have. He has given me so much. This has been a very trying year, but He has sustained me and provided for me...even through my stupidity and bad decisions. I am blessed. I have a husband who is an awesome man and so good to me. He is my best friend. What more could I ask for? I have three kids who have changed my life and who are way more gracious to me than I deserve. I have parents that are supportive and loving. I have a mother and father-in-law who are caring and so loving. I could keep listing these blessings! There are many!

Four of my blessings will arrive in Oklahoma on Friday! My sister, brother-in-law and niece and nephew are coming for a visit!! Woohooooo!!! I can't wait! I love my sister. I love my brother-in-law. I love Katie and Zach too. I can't wait to spend some time with them!

getter

So, I probably should be leaving for work right now. I can't make myself get up and get out the door! Could be tired from yesterday...I acted as Megatron and defeated Optimus Prime with one of my clients who is 4. Then I played a game of one-on-one basketball with another client who is 10. I had a hard day yesterday. I mean what with defeating Optimus Prime and everything. And I did beat the kid at basketball. I'm not proud of beating a 10 year old, but I'm just saying.

I'm dragging this morning. I've got a long day ahead of me. Dear Body, please don't tell me you can only make it if you have Mountain Dew or Dr. Pepper. I just don't want you to have it. Please don't fight with me. Don't make me hurt you. I can take you, you know. Try me.

MPG

I've been hearing lots of talk about keeping my tank full. Trying to define what drains me and what fills me up. Am I really a car? What is my mpg? Someone should tape a sign to my back with all my features.

I was at a leadership retreat last weekend with my church. Our speaker/facilitator talked about finding things that fill up your tank. He challenged us to identify what we look like when we're full, when we're empty, and everything in between. You have to know yourself pretty well to do that, I think. I have heard this same man talk about this very same subject before. I started to get uncomfortable when I realized I never did anything about my "tank" the first time I heard this. Sean and I talked together, and we discovered some good indicators for him. I was able to write a few things on my list that I know fill me up. But I still couldn't figure out any indicators. What are my own warning signs to tell me that I need to stop in for fill-up? I couldn't think of any. We didn't have a whole lot of time anyway to really sit down and think on this.

This week at work has been another draining week. Looking back I can see that my tank was pretty empty. It doesn't work when you try to drain an almost empty tank! Work doesn't try and drain me on purpose. It's just that the type of work I do is draining anyway. I've only been seeing clients for 3 weeks. You know, God has really been affirming to me through others that He has given me this gift to care and feel deeply for others. People open up to me about their problems. I recognized that when I was a lot younger. Now, I'm wondering if it's a gift! It makes for a hard time for me at work. The stories these people tell me! I know I can't fix these people. Only God can. How in the world do I help?! Especially without talking about God? How in the world do these people have hope????? There is none!!!

But what happened yesterday I couldn't ignore. Crying because I wouldn't have time to eat lunch was my indicator! I really have just been thrown into my job. I don't mind that so much really. I like having to figure things out on my own. It means I can do it the way I want! But I'm dealing with real people, real life, and real trauma here. I don't know what to do with it. Anyway. So, I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of quitting yesterday. Just walking out. I even cancelled one of my clients. I called my supervisor. We sat down and talked. He told me to calm down and just breathe. Great answer. I'm just going to have to ease into this slower than what we were all trying to do.

But, my supervisor brought up my "tank." He asked what I do to fill myself up. I better get serious about knowing my indicators. I better get serious about taking care of myself. If I really take care of myself, I wonder how many miles per gallon I'll get?

conversations in my head

Life: "Tonya, I'm going to stir things up for you a bit and see if you can handle it."
Tonya: "Um. Well, ok. Let's see what you got."
Life: "How about Situation A? Situation B? Situation C? D? E? F?"
Tonya: "Bring it."
Life: "How about more? (insert evil laugh here)"
Tonya: "What the heck..." (note the panic face)
God: "Tonya, I am in control."
Tonya: "Oh crap. I forgot...again."

Is there ever a time when things are not being stirred up in my life? This year has been like a whirlpool. My head has been spinning since April, and I think I'm starting to get dizzy. Just when everything slows down to a slower pace, someone or something rocks my world again. And the spinning commences. Sometimes spinning is good. It moves things around so nothing has a chance to get stagnant.

Maybe I'm supposed to feel like one of those homemade ice cream makers. The most important part of the process is turning the crank on the machine. You can't stop turning the handle...until it's perfect. Interesting analogy.

I was at a leadership retreat this weekend. Discussing more Birkman Leadership stuff. That stuff is so simple yet powerful. I discovered so much about my team. I discovered even more about myself. Two powerful things hit me early, early Saturday morning: (1) I have to learn to say the good "f" word, and (2) I feel safe now in my environment. Both of those are powerful releases. If I can say that "f" word...wow. Acknowledging that I feel safe with my team...wow. Those two things are freeing for me personally.

Self-discovery = power = freedom = wholeness. That's my goal. That's what I want. So, no matter how I got to this place I'm at, at least I'm closer to my goal.

normal

My new job keeps throwing new challenges at me. I'm fine with that. As long as I can handle them I guess. So far so good. Yesterday I met some clients for the first time. These meetings were supposed to be brief introductions. One of the therapists I'm working with warned me before going in the home that this woman is very paranoid and closed off. He said she probably wouldn't talk to me, but she did want to meet me because she is very interested in the rehab services I will be doing for the agency. So, we knocked on the door and went in.

Almost an hour and a half later, I walked out in much surprise. Too many emotions and thoughts going through me to even try and process. I've really tried not to put too many expectations or pictures in my head because I just don't know what people will be like. The lady totally opened up with me and shared a great deal about her life and struggles. Rape by family members. Molested by family members. Paranoia. Obesity. Mental health issues. Physical health issues. Her daughter hears voices and has sadly experienced some of the same trauma. And the woman broke. She sobbed.

I desperately wanted to cry with her and for her. In the midst of all her sadness, she dried her tears and started talking about all the things she's overcome. My heart broke as she started crying again and said, "I just want a normal life." I get tears in my eyes now replaying the conversation. Everyone wants a normal life. But I heard what she meant...she knows the things that have happened to her are not normal. She wants to be recovered. She wants freedom from the things that torment her. She wants something different and better than what she is forced to deal with. I'm just amazed by her strength and determination.

I struggled sitting there watching and listening. Doesn't God offer hope in these situations? Doesn't God offer healing? Doesn't He offer peace? But I could not minister those things to this woman. And I realized part of me was getting angry. Angry because my job won't let me talk about God. Angry because of what has happened to this woman. Angry that she doesn't feel safe. Angry. The therapist warned me. He warned me about several things: having a plan to de-stress after a day of work and not carrying these clients around with me. But how?

So, a couple of funny things happened though. The first was that I told one mother that I did hate kids. I'm sure that comforted her greatly since I was there to work with her son. That was a winning moment. The other was when I freaked out when a mouse ran across the floor in one home. I did keep my composure in front of the family.

And now for the Moment of the Day. The client is 8 years old.
Therapist: So, how's the client's pet lizard?
Mom of client: Oh, fine. Before client left, client left strict instructions with little brother on how to take care of lizard. Lizard is good. Just ate. Had to buy crickets for it to eat. Can you believe this container of crickets cost $5?
Therapist: Well, why don't you just feed him the roaches that crawl around your house?
Me: (telling myself repeatedly that this is normal)
Mom of client: Yeah, I know. Then I wouldn't have to buy crickets. Save me some money. But my son said he doesn't want to feed the lizard the roaches because they have been in the poison traps. If the lizard eats the roaches, he might get poisioned and die.
Therapist: Yeah, there you go.
Me: Wow. That makes sense.

And it did.

fa, fa, fa, friday

It's Friday. I'm home alone. The house is quiet. Just me and the dog. I don't mind it all. The kids are off playing sports in Missouri. Wish I was there watching them. The husband is off in some half-n-half town, Talucogee...what? He's leading worship for a work event. Why do people make up names of towns that are half of one town and half of another? Tahlequah +Muskogee = Tahlekogee. What? Texas + Oklahoma = Texhoma. What? Arkansas + Oklahoma = Arkoma. What? Seriously.

I've been seriously aching to buy more MAC makeup. So, I like makeup. So. They have such neat stuff out right now. I'm missing out!

So, in much bigger, more grown up news, my work passed its accreditation survey this week. Easiest process the boss has ever been through he says. It's been an interesting couple of weeks at work I'd say. But the stressful, nerve-wracking event is over. Now on to more stressful things! Next, I will be introduced to clients. Real live people who are counting on me to help them and teach them. Crap! That's a lot of pressure! Luckily, I work with two great therapists. They really are great. In other news, during this crazy time, I managed to amaze my boss. So, I think my job is secure for a few more weeks. Ahem.

With that peace of mind, I'm going back to sewing on the t-shirt quilt I'm making.

life

I'm intrigued. My pastor asked our leadership team at church to start journaling. We're going to journal together at our leadership meetings. I think it's pretty cool. Sean and I even started doing it with our kids. It's amazing! Seriously! We follow a pattern called S.O.A.P. when we journal. S stands for scripture. O stands for observation. A stands for application. P stands for prayer. It's amazing to me what you can get out of the scriptures! The words and verses just come alive and God speaks in the most fascinating ways! Even our kids realized it when we showed them how to do the journaling. Anyway. I'm doing it on my own too.

Also, the last two weeks have just been draining. Good stuff is happening, but it's just a lot to handle emotionally. We've had some great talks with our kids. Talking about all kinds of things. Relationships, mostly. Moving stuff. Seriously. Also, work has just been stressful. We're right in the middle of our survey/interviews/accreditation meetings. I was seriously worried about several things. God just worked everything out for me. I didn't have to do anything I was originally told I would have to do. That's a good thing. Basically, I would have had to lie about some things. Now that this busy time is over, I'm probably still just getting ready for another busy time! I'm going to begin meeting clients soon. There are so many clients! I don't know how I will be able to see them all each week. Well, I'll deal with that later. For tomorrow, I just need to get through the accreditation and survey. So far, so good.

I'm looking forward to some down time this weekend hopefully. I'd like to get some more sewing done on my t-shirt quilt. I'll have to post pictures soon. It's turning out pretty cool I think! I'm making it completely from scratch...no pattern! I like the challenge.

Until next time...

boom boom pow

I almost forgot I had a blog! What's up with that? Wow. I don't know what God is doing. He provides a great job opportunity which I took. I have almost been working a month now. Since starting my new job, I have had 3 other job offers! What's up with that? One of the offers is something I was really wanting. Now I don't know if I want it or not. Kind of confusing. This timeline of occurring events.

So. Last weekend my daughter and I dyed our hair. My first time to dye my hair ever. Of course it was my 17 year old daughter's first time. I don't know what I was thinking. We had fun. You can't even really tell mine is dyed. Holly's looked so pretty, but it is already fading. We didn't know we should have used 2 bottles of dye for long hair until after we did it. So, now we know for next time.

Our new church is moving and going forward. We have our first service tonight in our newly rented building. Pretty cool stuff. Sean has been gone every night this week helping with the sound and media stuff. He comes home to sleep basically. After tonight, things will hopefully be back to normal. I can't wait to hang out with him tomorrow. I miss him.

In other news, my oldest son has been diagnosed with swine flu. He didn't feel well Monday night. Tuesday morning Sean took him to the Dr. The Dr. diagnosed with swine and prescribed Tamiflu. We got the meds in him Tuesday night. Devon hasn't had a fever since Wednesday evening. I don't know.... Did we catch they symptoms quick enough? Did he really have the swine flu? Tuesday and most of Wednesday he just slept. Since Wednesday evening though, he's been acting fine. We haven't been taking any precautions though. Sean and I quarantined Devon to his room. We only let him out to use the bathroom. No one else can use the bathroom that Devon is using. I'm wearing a mask every time I go into his room. Washing my hands and disinfecting light switches and doorknobs constantly. Changing my clothes that I wear in his room. Devon is soooo bored that he is getting mad now. I feel bad for him, but I don't want to take any chances on getting anyone else sick.

I'll be glad when we get our computer back. Aaron accidentally downloaded a virus while trying to do some research for school. A friend of ours is fixing it. It's been gone over a week! He is letting us borrow a laptop. But I want my computer! This laptop is kind of slow.

I'll post more about work this week. I should have some interesting stories, I think.

what is going on?

Just a quick yet random update. I've started my new job. Wow! Lots to learn. Lots to remember. It's exciting though. I'm doing something I've always wanted to do. I'm using my college degree. I'm doing something that all of my personality profiles say I can do well at. I think this will be a good fit for me. I may be in for some culture shock. I'm doing rehab therapy with kids of all ages. Just learning some stories of some kids I've seen already...I can tell that it will be difficult for me to keep from getting attached. I'm really looking forward to learning more. I'm excited to start writing curriculum and getting my lessons and rehab therapies put together. Yay!

I went to a school yesterday for some training and observed a group rehab session with jr. high girls. The session was about organization. One girl in particular really got my attention. She had such a sadness in her eyes. I found out some of her story. She lives in an area surrounding Tulsa where her trailer has no running water. Her family borrows water from their neighbors. She is very embarrassed about her poverty. She does act out in class and group session. Her friends' parents think she is a bad influence on other girls. Therefore she isn't allowed over at one friend's house. She was raped last summer. This girl is in the 8th grade! I can't get this girl out of my head. I think her father knew about the rape and shortly afterwards he started giving her "medication." This girl was going to school all medicated and drugged up. She's such a beautiful girl. At least she is getting help through this program. I wish more could be done for her.

I'm in a unique situation. God, give me wisdom and more creativity on how to teach and reach out to these kids and families.

busy bee

It's been such a busy time! I can't believe I've hardly posted in the whole month of August. Wow. Sadness. I wonder how I could become a professional writer/blogger. It's something worth my time to look into. I'm running errands today...well, I will be as soon as I get up off this chair! I'm looking forward to seeing Katie and Zach this weekend! Wahoo!

MAC makeup

Okay, okay. So, I decided I wanted to give this a try...making tutorials. Not that I know anything about makeup. Because I only know what works for me and my skin tone. But makeup is fun, especially MAC! I'm a dork and watch other girls' tutorial videos. I've learned a lot and found some neat tips and ideas on colors. It's kind of a little hobby, if you will, of mine. My collection is very small, but I have a lot to work with. Here is what I'm wearing today...kind of a teal/green look.

I already have foundation, concealer, powder and blush on. I also have contoured my cheekbones, but it's hard to see in this picture. I started with Painterly paint pot as a base and applied it on the lid up to the brow bone. Next, I applied Sumptious Olive eye shadow on the lid and just above the crease.


Next, I took Steamy eye shadow and applied it on the outer half of the lid and crease and blended and blended.

Then, I took Club eye shadow and applied it on the outer V of my eye working it into the crease as well...and blended and blended. I also applied Club on the outer corner of my lower lash line.

Next, I took a white eye shadow by Cover Girl and used it as highlight. Also, I used it to blend out the harsh line from the Sumptious Olive. Next, I applied a dark charcoal gray eye liner to the upper lash line and the outer corner of the water line. I used a light coat of mascara since I felt the colors were a little intense for daytime wear. I didn't want it to be overwhelming.

The finished product on both eyes!

Here are the products I used (from left to right): Sumptious Olive, Steamy, Club. And on bottom, the Painterly paint pot and Snow Blossom by Cover Girl.

This was fun to do. I've been wearing more makeup lately and having fun with different colors I don't normally wear. I tend to stick to light and subtle normally or pinks and purples. I thought I would branch out with some more earthy, but vibrant colors.

I'm also getting some practice in because my daughter and her friends want me to do their makeup for prom. I know that's not until spring, but I need to brush up on my technique! Plus, I need to come up with some more cash to add a few things to my collection!

Who knows...I've been thinking about starting up my own small business as a freelance makeup artist/technician...anyone want to let me practice on them? :)

unity

"When everyone in the church values everyone else's needs and desires above his or her own needs and desires, the result will inevitably be unity." I read this today by Pastor Steve Weaver.

I've been reading Philippians. This morning, I couldn't get past the first few verses in chapter 2. Unity and humility. At first, I didn't understand how they could go together. Then I realized it was pretty obvious. What does it take to obtain unity? A lack of selfishness for sure. A person can't be humble and selfish. I don't think it works that way. It's interesting. It seems like a lot of people want unity among different things. We need to unite and take a stand and work together and blah blah blah. At the same time, those same people want to be noticed, want recognized, desire attention. Unity doesn't work that way. Unity calls for losing yourself in the crowd so to speak.

Philippians 2:3 says, "Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself."

I am really challenged by this verse and all that it means. How often do I worry what others think of me? How often do I let others influence what I do? Getting noticed or being thanked or achieving recognition should not be something I'm after. It's not something I try to work for. But, being selfless and thinking of others first is not something I work at either.

If I could be more intentional about thinking of others first...my husband, my kids, for example...what would happen? Just simply changing my thinking to, "What could I do to serve them today?"

Humility brings unity. Being selfless fosters an environment of peace and unity.

remember?

My blog title is very appropriately named. I do forget things. A lot. More than I really want to admit. This has been a very stressful summer for me and my family, so the forgetfulness has drastically increased. Sometimes it's funny. And sometimes it's not. Forgetting is frustrating. For me, it is. It's weird because I'm a good list-maker. But lately, I never check anything off my list!

But you know, it's all coming back to me now...

I forgot that I don't have to get everything done. I forgot that I don't have to be overwhelmed. I forgot that the valuable, important things come first. I forgot that I need God's peace. I forgot. I don't know how I forgot. But I did.

But you know what the good thing is? I remembered today.

I Can't Make Sense of Life (Ch. 5)

This is an excerpt from a book I'm reading. Just wanted to share something that was so powerful to me. This excerpt is a word the Lord is speaking to the author (Ruth Senter).

What I do in my world will never completely make sense to you. That is why you must say to yourself, three, four, five times a day: "I do not understand, but He does." I do not need to understand in order to love Him, to know that He loves me.

My answers will not always be there for you (in fact, they usually aren't). My ways will not always make sense to you (in fact, they usually won't). Sometimes My paths do go in circles, follow roundabouts, go south to get north. Sometimes My paths dead-end against an old fence-post sign that reads, "No Trespassing. Keep Out." You will think, "But the route was so clear, so straight, so well-marked!" Driving down a four-lane highway into a dead end will not make sense to you.

It did not make sense to Paul, either, as he packed his bags for what he thought would be a trip to Asia. The map was spread out before him on his nightstand. The candlelight was strong. No misreading of the red and blue lines, no doubts about the route. Asia or bust. But the border guards said no. I said no. Paul's path dead-ended against an old fence-post sign that read, "No Trespassing. Keep Out."

So what do you do when it seems as if I took you on a wrong turn to nowhere? Spend a day in a motel in seclusion rereading a map? Fast and pray for a week so that you might understand what went wrong? Form a committee to study the theology of closed doors and dead ends? Put Me under a microscope to try to figure out how I strategize missionary trips?

Oh, My child, when you come up against the dead-end signs, don't try to unscramble My plan. Come into My presence and let Me love you. Rest in My love and you will be reassured that My plan is loving, even though it makes no sense.

Then you won't be paralyzed by apparent wrong turns. You will forget Asia for the time being, get a good night's rest, wake with the sun to a new vision, and head out in a new direction. Perhaps later the trip will make sense, perhaps never. But you will keep moving, surrounded by My love, confident in My ability to keep My creation on track. You will know whom you have believed, and will be convinced that I am able to guard what you have entrusted to Me for My ultimate outcome.

home on the range

We made it home from camp! Actually, I think we've made it home from everything. For a while I was wondering when I would get to sleep in my own bed! The next three weeks will hopefully prove to be some down time before school starts. Once again the summer zipped right past us.

Camp was good this year. It was nice to get away. I didn't catch much of the services though. Sean and I lead worship this year. Well, I didn't actually lead, but I was a part of the worship team. We both played the morning and evening services. When you add that time to the rehearsal time plus the altar/decision time...we were playing/singing like 5-6 hours a day! That's a lot! We also taught a worship workshop. That was pretty cool. Stretching for us and for the kids who came. It was really a neat thing. Our days were pretty full. We didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with friends or anything. We did have a few meaningful conversations though. Camp was really different this year since we didn't go with a church. I guess it really didn't matter though. There was a team game that you could "belong to." We had other friends that we ate meals with and hung out with. But, I still missed "belonging" to a church group at camp. Kind of weird. Since we're not with a church right now, I expected questions. There were some. Not as many as I anticipated...maybe because some people were kind enough not to ask...maybe because I didn't hang around long enough to give people an opportunity. It's not anyone's fault for asking. We were with that church for 7 years and now we're not...why wouldn't someone ask? I would ask me.

I find myself still asking, "why?" I keep wanting to know why. I keep wanting a reason...a good one. It wasn't our choice to leave the church we were at. So, why can't we be there? I keep asking myself stuff like that a lot. I don't know why I ask myself. I don't have the answer! But, I do keep asking God. I was really, really moved this past week...at a church we visited and at camp. I may never have the answer I want/need. I may never know "why." Can I trust God? Will I trust God? Will I? A word was spoken at this church: "Stop praying to find answers, and start praying to find Him." I know that's what I've been doing. I keep asking God why I'm at this place in my life. How did I get here? Why am I here? On and on and on....

I can open my heart to the Lord and ask those things, but really, have I forgotten why I'm praying? Have I become so focused on finding answers that I forgot He already has all the answers? How could I forget simply who He is? What is the purpose of my prayers? What are the intentions of my heart? Have I really connected with God, or am I just venting again? Pretty challenging stuff to re-focus on Christ. Re-focus. Re-orient. Re-align. Re-. Do it again.

family time - part 1

Zach playing on the slide at McDonald's. He loved it!

Terri playing games with the kids at Incredible Pizza.

Here we are at Grand Lake. Katie wanted to pretend to fix my hair. Only the little rat untied my swimsuit! She is such a nut!

We got to spend some time with Bo while he was home for Meghan's funeral. Katie decided Bo was her friend.

oh bruce

This whole transition time in our lives is hard. I'm ready for something new. I'm ready to move on from what we are leaving behind. I'm sad about moving on. I don't like moving on, but I have to. Okay, I'm not actually ready to move on, but I guess the thought process of moving on makes things easier to deal with. Moving on in your life suggests you are leaving something behind. It suggests maybe you haven't dealt with everything. To me, it suggests that I might have to just forget something. I don't want to forget. One of my friends has a funny saying, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!" That saying has been in my head a lot lately. It demands moving! Moving on from where I'm at. I can't stay where I'm at. I have to go somewhere else. That saying is really true for me right now in a sense. I can't stay where I'm at right now. I can't stay in this place. I have to move on. If I don't move, I'll never get anywhere.

The Lord reminded me of this passage this morning...
Ephesians 3:14-21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I want to be strengthened. And the only place I want to be rooted is in Christ's love. Not Tulsa. Not a particular church. Just rooted in Christ. Just rooted in His love for me. Why do I always forget God's promises? I'm so glad He takes time to remind me.

what a week!

I'm not sure I've ever had a week as crazy or stressful as this one. Even the week of my wedding wasn't this crazy. Life. Hmm. Early Saturday morning, I was sleeping. I thought I heard my phone ring but was so groggy I didn't really know what the sound was. A few minutes later, Sean's phone rang. My dad was calling. I just figured he wanted to know when we were coming because we had planned to spend the day with him for Father's Day. Sean hung up and then came to see if I was awake. He had tears in his eyes as he told me that my cousin, Meghan, and her husband, Jason, had been in a car accident. I started feeling somewhat alarmed. Like I better hurry and get dressed so we can get to the hospital. Then Sean said, "Meghan didn't make it." I felt paralyzed. I was shocked. I remember saying, "Sean if you're joking with me right now, I will hurt you." But I knew he wasn't. I cried. I felt sick. I couldn't think. Where did the accident happen? When did it happen? Where is Jason? Is he okay? Did Meghan have her seatbelt on? She never wears her seatbelt. Does Bo know? Who is going to tell him? When is he coming home? No one knew what was going on. We spent the day trying to make sense of the news. I felt like I was in a fog for several days. Not even knowing what day it was.

I don't know if anyone still knows the complete story. Jason and Meghan were driving home around 3:00am Saturday morning. Jason swerved to miss a deer. He lost control of his truck and was sliding down the road sideways. The truck went off the road and went up in a tree and tipped over. Meghan was thrown from the truck and died instantly. I'm not sure how she was thrown out or how she landed. But her face must have been the first thing that made contact with the tree or the truck. The funeral was closed casket. Very very sad. That makes it harder to know that she is really gone. I kept thinking, "If I could just see her in the casket, then I would know she's really gone." I kept wondering if I could handle the sight if I chose to view her body. I decided I couldn't. Meghan's mother and brother had the casket opened to see Meghan. I asked Bo about it. He said he wished he'd never done it. I don't know how he will ever get that picture of her out of his head.

Meghan was so funny and so special and so nice. She was quiet and shy most times. But she was friendly to everyone. She loved her family. She was probably the most proud of her brother than anyone else. She talked about Bo all the time. Meghan grew up at our house. You could find her and Bo at our house every weekend and most nights of the week. We played all kinds of stuff. Meghan liked to play dolls and Barbies. As she got older she always wanted to play with makeup and fixing her hair. Meghan always made me laugh. She was so beautiful. She loved animals too. She always had a dog she was taking care of. I am going to miss her so much.

Sean was admitted to the hospital for a couple days this week. Sunday night he wasn't feeling well with a stomach ache. Nothing too major. It was a little worse Monday. Monday night it was really bad and he didn't sleep all night. He went to work Tuesday morning and then left to go to the doctor. The doctor checked him over and sent him on to St. John's ER. They ran some tests on him and finally decided to admit him. His pain wasn't getting any better. He had to have pain medication about every hour or so. They did several tests on him: CT scan, ultrasound, EDG, and EKG. They found nothing but a small ulcer on his esophagus. The doctor said that wouldn't cause the pain he was having. Wednesday night his pain started to go away. He was scheduled to have another CT scan on Thursday morning, but the doctor said he needed to wait because he had just had one the day before. They dye in the IV wouldn't work correctly. So, they released him with a RX for pain and Nexium. He goes back in two weeks for another CT scan. We'll see what they find.

I've been having a tooth problem for over a year now. I got two root canals a year ago. I never did go back and have permanent crowns put on. Now, I think my semi-permanent fillings are cracked. It is painful. Wednesday night my mouth started hurting. I could hardly eat. Yesterday morning, the whole right side of my face was hurting. I was about to ask Sean's nurse for a shot of something. It was bad. I took some Aleve and stuff and finally, after a couple of hours started feeling some relief! I've got to get back to the dentist and just have them pull these suckers! They have been nothing but pain and problems for me. Plus, I need to find time to follow-up on my tests done for kidney stones! When do I find time for this?!

I'm also still looking for a job. I thought I had this one nailed. Two interviews. The C.O.O. tells me I'm their top candidate. Then he calls me and tells me they hired someone else. What is up with that crap? Now, I'm back at square one. This is so stupid!

In other more positive news...my sister got a cute swimsuit at Name Brand Clothing for $8! How does she find these bargains?! I want one! And my sister and her kids are here for a few weeks. It's always good to have her close by. My neice and nephew are the cutest things. I love them!

Today is a new day. Here's hoping it's going to be a great one!

Meghan's story according to...

Here is a link to the story that was posted in the Tulsa World.

Visitation is at Luginbuel's in Vinita on Tuesday, June 23 from 6-8pm. Funeral service is Wednesday at 2:00pm at Church on the Lake in Ketchum.

Meghan Louise Price Hitchcock

Meghan

November 15, 1987 -- June 20, 2009

All the "brothas and sistas" on Meg's wedding day, July 25, 2008

Me saying, "Meg! You're getting married!"

Meg saying, "Tonya!"

My sisters.

running

oh yeah. I ran a mile in 14:03 last night. Shaved 17 seconds off my time. You could say I'm proud.

all-american reject

The dream job called me this morning. I should have known it really was a dream job. After two interviews and the C.O.O. telling me I was the top candidate, he called me to say they hired someone else. Now, can someone tell me what is up with that? Seriously. Honestly, part of me is upset, and the other part is relieved. I've really been praying for the right job. I know others are praying for me as well. I hate to waste time being upset over this, when it really just feels like confirmation that this wasn't the job God has in mind for me. Ok, then. So, God. What job do you have in mind? I'm all eyes and ears. It would be great if you could make it a little more obvious. Ok, God. You're starting to stress me out a little. I need a job. Oh wait. I'm supposed to be trusting you, right? Crap.

running update

I would also like to add that I ran 1.5 miles yesterday...and walked 1.5 miles. I was pushing myself to see if I could really do it. I can. Dang. I was also trying to go further in distance to try and work out some of the soreness out of my legs. Didn't really help that so much. I've only maintained my weight this week. My body is taking better shape, but no poundage lost. It might be time to start back with the help of my diet pill...or start cutting back on carbs. That will help drop some weight.

I think I'm going to stick with running 1.5 miles for the next week or so. That is pretty challenging to me right now. I need to focus on my endurance right now. I'll have to work on my time later. I really want to make it through the run without stopping. I think I could cut more time off my run after I drop some more weight. I could run faster.

So, next on the checklist...endurance and diet.

nerves

I sure have a lot of nerve. Too many actually. Makes me anxious. Makes me worry. Makes me wonder. Makes me over-analyze. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? What if it doesn't work out this way? What if this doesn't happen? It's exhausting.

Philippians 4:8 (Msg) "Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst, the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."

training

I've been exercising with Holly to help her with her volleyball workout. It's been really good. I've lost a few pounds and am starting to see my body take a different shape...a good shape. I've always wanted to run in a 5K or something like that. John 3:16 Mission is sponsoring a run in the fall, and so I've decided to train for it and enter. I'm not sure what my goals are yet, but I'm working on it. I'm excited really! I think I might be getting addicted to running. I've been running on a treadmill. I'd like to do some of my training outside. I'm going to mark a good route outdoors in my neighborhood to start running. I'll be posting some updates on my training in the months to come.

In other news, I'm still looking for a job. I had two interviews last week. I have one this week. I'm wondering if these are my only options, or if God has something else in mind. I should know something about my employment future by the end of the week. That would be good. While I'm not worrying and fretting, I'm trying to rely on God to provide what my family needs and what I want. Not always easy.

Father's Day is this weekend. I'm not sure what to buy for my husband, my dad, or my father-in-law. The thinking continues....

criticism vs. wisdom

I was driving in downtown Tulsa this afternoon. I decided to drive down a street I haven't been on in a while. Unfortunately this was a bad decision. I had to wait briefly at a stoplight. As I was waiting for the light to turn green, I looked over to my left and saw two guys walking down the street. Both had only shorts and shoes on. No shirts. One was bent over rolling his pant legs up to make shorts. The waist band of his pants (no exageration) was 3/4 of the way down on his butt. He did have boxers on. His stomach overlapped the boxers and the pants. Why? I know it was 90 degrees but seriously. Why do guys wear their pants that low? To show off their printed boxers? Is it a sign of suggestion that they are easy? Are they really just trying to stay cool? Are extremely baggy pants the only ones they can afford? Can they not afford a belt? Is not cool anymore to wear a belt? Some guys wear those super baggy pants with belts!! I don't get it. At first the guy totally disgusted me with his saggy pant get-up and his buttcrack. Then I felt bad for him. Is he just trying to fit in?

today is the day

Today is the day. I will be productive. I will be motivated. I will be determined. To get laundry done. To clean my room. To find a job. To live life with no regrets.

Well....maybe.

break free

Tomorrow is my kids' last day of school. It has been quite a year I'll say. It's been a tough year for me emotionally, but a really good year for our whole family. Relieving the stress of home school is just what our family needed. The kids have done really well in their studies...well, we are still waiting for one particular child to prove that...and they have made lots of friends and gotten to experience so many things. Our home environment is so much more relaxed. At first, I had no idea what to do with myself. No papers to grade. No homework to nag about. No lessons to prepare. No research to do. No book shopping. No kids with me 24/7. It was hard to let that go, and I soon realized how much I missed their company. Thank goodness they still like to talk to me about what's going on at school! The first couple months of the kids being in school I had no idea what to do on my days off at home! I had time to myself! I had free time! Now I have adjusted rather well to my free time, and it ends tomorrow for the summer! Now I find myself thinking of things to keep them busy just to give myself a little personal time! I'm glad the kids will be home. They have worked hard (with the exception of one maybe) and deserve a break. I am so proud of them. Maybe I'll learn how to work hard and be motivated like them!

All three kids are really into sports now. I love that! Holly has learned so much being on a team this year. She has grown and matured so much! She is playing volleyball in the fall and has a summer workout program. I am going to do it with her. Gives her accountability. Gives me exercise. Gives us time to bond. I'm realizing more and more how much she is growing up. She'll be 18 this fall. She's growing up and faster than I realize will be moving out on her own. The boys too. Crazy how time goes so fast.

Time to go pick up my posse!

verbage

Yesterday, Sean and I took a mini road trip. We had good times in the van talking and laughing. More and more we are just loving being together. I think we are coming to a new place of understanding each other better. That's always a good thing. We went to have lunch with another couple who are becoming very dear friends and mentors to us. The atmosphere that is created between people when there are no walls, no hidden motives, no great expectations is the sweetest thing I have ever known. To talk about anything in an open, honest, real and genuine way is so liberating. It's freeing. The more Sean and I are around that; the more we are engaged to talk that way; the more we want to help others experience that. Why can't we be real? Why do we need to hide anything? The one thing about special times like these is that it can take a while to process everything said! That's a pretty cool thing though. Sean and I have a lot to talk about now. We are loving it.

red-faced

So, I have poison ivy on my face. I knew I would probably get it. I was helping Sean work in the yard Monday night. I started trimming limbs and stuff off the fence line. I'd gotten it before back there while mowing last summer. Shouldn't I know better? I checked all the leaves before working. I didn't see any that added up to three...or maybe I just miscounted? The few small spots on my legs are already drying up. The stuff on my face has spread out some and now my left eye is only half open because of the puffy swelling. I've tried to google home remedies. How come no one is sharing their home remedies??!! People, put these things on the internet so others will know what to do! And not have to go to the doctor! I'm going to have to go to Claremore to wait 3 hours just to get a shot. Unless they offer a pill. I'm ready to bargain.

Hey now, you're an all-star...

We went to the Athletic Awards Ceremony last night at the school. The kids each got a certificate and pin for participating in their sport. Holly played soccer. Devon played tennis. Aaron played baseball. There were a few struggles for the kids this season, but they really did a good job. I was really proud to see them get their award last night.

check, please!

Someone told me recently that I'm not really all that outgoing. I'm unsure whether that should be taken as an offense or a compliment. I think I'm borderline. I can be extroverted when I want to be, but I don't like to do it very often. You don't have to be outgoing to make great relationships. I think I'll take it as a compliment. I mean, hey, it just means I'm not obnoxious! Ha!

I sure hate it when people say, "Never mind!" I mean why did they ask you something in the first place? Just to check and see if you're listening? Just to see if you'll actually do whatever it is they had in mind? Sometimes I say "never mind" to people...just to get a laugh. I see how that really sucks now after having it done to me. I'm going to think twice before I do that to someone else again. I want my words to count for something. I don't want to be talking just to add to the air quality.

Yup, it's going to be an interesting week. Hopefully, no flooding...but I wouldn't mind a nice rain storm. It makes for good reading!

rainy saturday

I'm kind of bored. I slept in. I want to go see the Hannah Montana movie. I just might.

1963

Oh what a night. Isn't that how the song goes? It's been a night. I didn't sleep well. Today I'm wondering how you can know when God is speaking to you. I believe He speaks to different people in different ways. But what if you hear wrong? Is it possible to not hear God...I mean, is it possible to not hear God is you are purposefully praying and seeking and listening for Him? I guess I just really don't understand. Does God confuse us on purpose? No, probably not. Wow. I don't get it.

another day, another dollar

It is another day, but I still have only one dollar. Sometimes I only type just what pops into my head at the moment. It's more fun that way. Keeps things fresh.

I'm about to go back to bed for the day. I'm feeling the kidney stone pain. Sadness. It's not comfortable.

I think I'll watch a movie. I forgot I was getting on the computer to do that anyway.

WCA Soccer Champs!

This photo was taken April 18. The Lady Wildcats dominated Grace 3-0 for the State championship! So proud of the girls! My daughter is standing in the back next to the girl with the long-sleeved black shirt under her uniform.

This photo was taken April 25 at the Tri-State Tournament. The Lady Wildcats played Grace again and won 3-1! They are not only the state champs, but the Tri-State champs! Awesome job by the Lady Wildcats! My daughter is kneeling and the third from the left.

Here is my daughter, Holly, with her Tri-State champ medal!

excited!

I'm so excited about what God is doing in my life! I'm so excited about what God is going to do in my life! I'm so excited about the place I'm at in my life! It's really an exciting time. It's been a good couple of weeks...learning, praying, talking, listening. Really good.

I'm not excited about cleaning my room or the kitchen today or folding laundry. I want to sew. All day. I want to get a mocha or vanilla caramel latte, put a movie on and just sew. I even have a new sewing machine I got for Christmas! I just got it out of the box last week. Still don't know how to use it yet. I've got to make time for that. Sewing is awesome.

I'm excited about getting a break from my kids playing sports. We'll have a break for a few weeks before they start back for the summer and fall.

I'm excited about spending more time with my friends. I'm going to start making more time for my friends.

I'm excited.

friends

I'm so thankful for honest, supportive friends. Friends who pray for you. Seriously. Friends who are honest with you. Friends who aren't afraid to be honest with you. Friends who aren't afraid to be themselves. Friends who encourage you to be your true self. Friends who will cry with you...or let you cry. Friends who will scream with you! Friends who will be happy with you!

I think have some friends like that in my life. I want to be a friend like that to other people.

life is a highway

and I do not want to ride it all night long. Sometimes life gets confusing, I guess. At least I'm confused right now. Nothing really makes sense. I'm just having a weird time. I'm awaiting some answers on some things in my life. I keep listening. I keep looking at my phone to see if an email came. I keep talking to some people hoping to hear the answer I'm looking for. I've been waiting in a room all morning with my son at a health clinic. It is no fun waiting. I played with my phone. I watched the video they were showing. I napped. I stared. I listened to everyone talking around me. I prayed. I made annoying noises with my water bottle. I almost cried a few times...from waiting for so long! Waiting isnt' fun. I guess waiting is what you have to do sometimes to get what you want. I was starting to think the doctors made us wait to be called last on purpose. Or maybe they forgot we were even there. What if God forgets I'm waiting? I guess He and I aren't working on the same time table, so maybe there's no danger there. What do you do while you wait? Do you sit patiently in your chair until your name is called? Or, do you bother the receptionist every 10 minutes to see if you're next?

no water

On our way home last night at about midnight, Sean and I noticed our neighborhood streets were soaked. I said, "Wow, it only rained in our neighborhood?" Well, as we got closer to our cul-de-sac we saw the big hole in the ground and barricades. A water main busted somehow for some reason. The city people are working on it. I keep hearing lots of noise and banging sounds. But, every time I check the faucet, there is no water coming out. My mom and dad-in-law are coming tonight. I need to wash some bedding. I may have to venture out and take my chances at a laundry mat. At least I have my 100-pound son to take with me. He will surely defend me if necessary.

pharisee

I should have edited a note to add to my last post. But I guess I'm on a somewhat new line of thinking. Well. I wish I had a book here with me called Extreme Righteousness: Seeing Ourselves in the Pharisees. I read that book in college for my Matthew class. I think I need to read it again. I wonder if I am a Pharisee. So legalistic. So pious. So self-righteous. So self-consumed.

How can I have a true relationship with God living like that? It seems like my attitude would get in the way. My excuses would get in the way. It seems like that type of relationship would be all about control. Does a Pharisee think they can control their righteousness by what they do?

Over the past couple of weeks, I've realized how much of Pharisee I've become and have been. I can't believe how free I feel, how liberated I feel to know I can have a relationship with Christ based on just having a relationship!!! I feel like I've discovered something brand new!

mindblowing

I am completely in awe that God wants me simply for who I am. I can't believe He wants to know me. Seriously, He simply wants me. He simply loves me. Does anyone else even understand that?

change

So, I changed the look of my blog. I was getting tired of looking at the pink. But hey, I might get tired of looking at purple. For now, it's what I like.

I'm resting this week. Well, resting and seeking and searching and thinking and praying and hoping and laughing and spending and more...

What is my limit? Sometimes you come to a place where you just hit a wall; you can't take whatever it is you're dealing with anymore. You just have to stop. You have to readjust and refocus. That's where I'm at today. I've hit a wall. I don't know how to talk to it or reason with it. I don't know how to climb over it or knock it down. I can't find my way around it. That's where paragraph 2 comes in.

God, where do you want me? When? Wow. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

stir it up

I really don't like when some people share all of their business on their blogs. But then again, I kind of admire their courage to just lay it all out there. Does it take a certain kind of confidence or bravery to be so open and vulnerable with everyone around you? Maybe there's nothing to hide, but is it wise?

There's a lady that I know that I just kind of try and shadow. She's amazing, wise, kind, approachable, and comfortable. She's comfortable with herself, with others around her. Some of the things about her, I want for my own life. So, when she is around, I try and absorb from her. Like I wonder if osmosis would work...hhhmmm. This lady was in town recently, and I had the opportunity to snag a few hours of her time and just talk with her.

I had no agenda other than trying to learn at least one little something while visiting with her. A few hours and some tears later, I did learn a little something. I learned a lot of little somethings. Some of those little somethings I'm having trouble remembering. I recalled something I heard back at OCC...truth is your friend. I should give Kaylene credit for that. That's a good thing to remember.

So, I've been thinking about truth. What is truth? Truth is actuality, a transcendant (surpassing/extending) fundamental or spiritual reality (Webster's). Well, I know the opposite of truth is a lie. God does not lie. He is constant. He can't lie. He can't be unfaithful. So, He has to be truth. I wonder how many truths about God I know. Truth is mentioned in the NLT 269 times. We give glory to God by telling the truth. God's Word is truth. Sometimes truth has to have proof with it. We can led by the truth (Ps. 25:5). The Lord delights in those who tell the truth (Pr. 12:22). Sometimes telling/speaking the truth can be difficult. We must worship in truth. The truth will set us free (John 8:32). The Holy Spirit will lead me into truth (John 14:17; 16:13). Romans 1:19 even says that God has made the truth about himself obvious. We can't oppose the truth (2 Cor. 13:8). Truth can give me confidence. If I don't listen to the truth, I could drift away from it all together. If I am not obeying God, I am not living in His truth. 1 John 3:19...wow...my actions will tell whether I am living in truth or not. Following or living in truth brings joy.

Ok. So, now what? Now that I know better what truth is and what can happen if I do or don't live by it...what is truth? Is there just one collective truth, or are there a lot of smaller truths that I need to know?

it keeps on happening

so, today is my birfday. i will love this day.

rolling down the river

I didn't much sleep the night before last. I worked hard yesterday getting some things done. I'm still a little delirious and foggy from not having enough sleep. Sleep is good. Sleep is wonderful. I need more and more of it as I get older. Yes, it's true. So, off to work I go...this should be an interesting day. Two of my kids have games this evening. I'm supposed to pick one of the kids up after school. I hope I can remember which one.

props

I am thanking myself for staying up so late to do laundry for my family. My husband so sweetly gave me a hug and kiss. My kids were snoring so they have no idea I stayed up until 3am washing their blessed little school clothes. But hey...I got behind this week in laundry. I don't know if I had a choice. It was either do some laundry or let my kids get a detention for breaking dress code. One detention wouldn't hurt them, I guess. And after all, they are always complaining about having to wear dress code. It could be fun...or not.

So, I should be going back to bed. But, I'm awake now. What?!?

I played a game last night at church. I had to eat a blow pop and then blow a bubble with the gum first to win. I was beat by a few seconds. Man. I'm going to maybe start practicing that. I know I could win.

seriously!

The title of my blog suits me well I'd say. I do often tend to forget things...only momentarily. My friend Jenni used to tell me that I am the most disorganized organized person she knows. It's true. I can get things in order. I can make lists. I can organize tasks, files, people, etc. Then I forget what I did or where I put something. I think I've become more aware of how silly I am over the last few years. It's really getting worse. Maybe I just have too much going on to try and remember anything. I might misplace a shopping list. I might misplace my keys. I might even forget where I just put the laundry soap.

It drives me crazy when I do it myself. Now, my kids are not really organized. I've learned to adjust to that. But, I'm just about to go insane if they forget one more thing! They are forgetting to turn in homework...forgetting their lunches...forgetting their books...forgetting they have sports practice...forgetting to let me know where they have practice at in order to be picked up...forgetting sports equipment that they need in order to play in a game!

I'm going to Walgreen's to stock up on some ginseng and ginko.

welcome!

I've been reading other blogs about couponing and such. I've decided to join in. It makes shopping a little more fun...there's a challenge to really work the best deal you can. You save money! So, why not?

I recently joined the Walgreen's club...and soon there will be two CVS stores in the Tulsa area! More deals!

So, I went to Walgreen's this week and tried to work some magic. I had $7.13 on my Wag's gift card from last month. I didn't get a chance to take a picture of my haul. I purchased several items though. After subtracting my coupons and my gift card balance from the grand total, I only owed $21.24. However, I will be getting $13 back on my gift card! I only paid $8 out of pocket for all the stuff I got...3 cans of soup, 1 can of Pam cooking spray, 36 pack of tampons, tube of toothpaste, garnier fructis shampoo, two 4-packs of pudding, and some Axe hair putty. Not a bad deal for $8!!

friday

i wish i could stay home today. but i can't. i have to go to work for a bit. today is friday. i want to fully enjoy it. we leave on sunday to go visit my sister!

roxanne

Sean and I went and worked out again this morning. Crazy how we we've been consistent...two days in a row. It's always great to exercise when you have gas. Walking on the treadmill really helps with that; just works the gas right out of you. I just hope that girl beside me didn't smell anything. I mean, I didn't smell anything. I'm just saying.

My friend Jennis has inspired me to blog more.

I'm concerned about the house at the end of our street. They often have a red light on as their porch light. I wonder if a red porch light means the same thing as it used to. Does it really mean a hooker is working there? Can I just be candid for a moment? That light was on for several nights in a row. Now it hasn't been on for several nights. Maybe it's like a real business. You would think whoever is turning the red light on or off would post their hours or something. I'm just saying.

Ok. I finally got to watch American Idol last night. I've missed several weeks. I'm glad they used some Michael Jackson songs! But honestly, could just anyone sing Michael Jackson? I submit that you can not. Anyone trying to sing his music is just going to ruin it. No offense. You just can't mess with Michael Jackson. Now, I didn't get to see all of the singers. I thought Adam did the best of all that I saw. Well, that Alexis did totally rock out on "Dirty Diana." Is it just me or did most of those contestants not sing on key?

On to more serious things.

I read something interesting last night. Colossians 1:22 "Yet now he has brought you back as his friends. He has done this through his death on the cross in his own human body. As a result, he has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault." I mean...I was a sinner, and Christ brought me back as a friend of His very own through His death?!? And in God's presence (because of Jesus' death) I am without fault and blameless?!? Holy moly! Ephesians 1:4 "Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes." So, am I automatically a friend of Christ? Do I have to accept His salvation to be a friend? Can you only be blameless and without fault in his sight if you are a friend? Who is "us" in Ephesians 1:4? All people? The believers? The Ephesians? I hope God sees me that way, you know. Blameless. Without a single fault. I get tired of knowing and being reminded that I'm not blameless and have sooo many faults! It can get really discouraging knowing that I pretty much suck. It's pretty stinking cool that God doesn't see me that way! What hope and encouragement!

why is it still dark?

It's time for another post. I got up at 4:30am. Holy moly. My husband and I went to work out together. Working out together is nice. Getting up at 4:30am is not nice. Early morning is the only time we can work out...and the only time we can work out together. Something must really be wrong with our busy lives. Yes, I'm sure there is. I think it has something to do with the fact that we have three teenagers who all are playing sports. And it's still dark outside.

My friend, Jenni, was in town and stayed with me this weekend. That was really cool. We had a chance to talk and catch up...and laugh! We always laugh a lot when we're together. Good times. In a few weeks, she's off to Cambodia. I just have mixed feelings about that. Jenni is amazing.

Here's to another manic Monday.

today

Well, I've decided that today is the day to update. I've been meaning to for a while. I just have gotten really good at procrastinating lately. Jenni might be proud, but I don't think my husband is necessarily. Sean and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary the end of January. That was pretty cool. Sean had Plan A, but that didn't work out. So, we went with Plan B. Plan B was waaaaaay better! We went to Branson, and he got us a room at the Chateau on the Lake. What a great husband! He booked us a massage and spa bath at the hotel's spa. What a great husband! We also had a very nice dinner together. What a great husband! It was a really nice weekend. What a guy!

In other news, all three of the kids have started their sports now. Aaron is playing baseball. Devon is playing tennis. Holly is playing soccer. So, I guess there's no backing out now! The kids are loving being involved...and they're being active! Sean and I really like that.

So, I'm not sure what else I should update about. I've been having some weird dreams lately. Like, I've been waking up in the night freaked out, those kind of dreams. I'm learning to pray. I pray about those dreams. I pray against the fear. I rebuke Satan. There is so much power in prayer that I never realized. There is so much power in our words. I never realized that either. Our words bring healing and life or death and depression. I know that is in James. I guess I'm just experiencing this more. I've been talking with some friends about the importance of words. I don't have to accept the things people speak over me. Maybe they're not really speaking something over me, but if someone speaks something to me. I have the choice to accept it or not. I said something the other day to a friend about having allergies and how they bother me. She looked at me funny and said, "Don't claim that for yourself!" She was right! I don't have to accept these allergies. I can be healed. This has all been going over and over in my mind the last week. It sure makes me think before I say something out loud. That can only be a good thing!

dress to empress

That just so happens to be the name of my new nail polish. Sean called me on his way home from work and wanted to know if I wanted to meet him at our favorite nail place for a pedicure. I said, "Heck yes!" So, jumped in the van and headed to ULTA to pick out a new nail polish. I grabbed a cup of coffee, too. We both got a pedicure and a manicure. Yes, my husband periodically gets pedicures and manicures. I think it's awesome! Hip hip hurray for my wonderful husband!

happy new year

Well, we made it through the holidays. I think my family was on the verge of a meltdown, but we made it through. Sean and I attended several Christmas parties. Then the week of Christmas we set off to travel around the 4-state area to be with family. My sister and her family came to be with us for Christmas this year. That was fun! Traveling during the holidays is just stressful! Holly and Sean both had a birthday we celebrated. The kids go back to school Monday. This week should be interesting as they get back in the routine of going to bed and getting up early and doing homework. Yep, should be very interesting indeed.

We had a very blessed Christmas. We all got many nice things. I even got a new sewing machine! I haven't got it out of the box yet, but I will soon! Sean is getting me a new bass guitar which I will post pictures of when that comes in. That's exciting! So, if we can make it through this next week, we should be good.

Sean and I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage on January 31. I'm looking forward to that more and more since Sean says our little celebration will be a surprise. Wow...a surprise.