MPG

I've been hearing lots of talk about keeping my tank full. Trying to define what drains me and what fills me up. Am I really a car? What is my mpg? Someone should tape a sign to my back with all my features.

I was at a leadership retreat last weekend with my church. Our speaker/facilitator talked about finding things that fill up your tank. He challenged us to identify what we look like when we're full, when we're empty, and everything in between. You have to know yourself pretty well to do that, I think. I have heard this same man talk about this very same subject before. I started to get uncomfortable when I realized I never did anything about my "tank" the first time I heard this. Sean and I talked together, and we discovered some good indicators for him. I was able to write a few things on my list that I know fill me up. But I still couldn't figure out any indicators. What are my own warning signs to tell me that I need to stop in for fill-up? I couldn't think of any. We didn't have a whole lot of time anyway to really sit down and think on this.

This week at work has been another draining week. Looking back I can see that my tank was pretty empty. It doesn't work when you try to drain an almost empty tank! Work doesn't try and drain me on purpose. It's just that the type of work I do is draining anyway. I've only been seeing clients for 3 weeks. You know, God has really been affirming to me through others that He has given me this gift to care and feel deeply for others. People open up to me about their problems. I recognized that when I was a lot younger. Now, I'm wondering if it's a gift! It makes for a hard time for me at work. The stories these people tell me! I know I can't fix these people. Only God can. How in the world do I help?! Especially without talking about God? How in the world do these people have hope????? There is none!!!

But what happened yesterday I couldn't ignore. Crying because I wouldn't have time to eat lunch was my indicator! I really have just been thrown into my job. I don't mind that so much really. I like having to figure things out on my own. It means I can do it the way I want! But I'm dealing with real people, real life, and real trauma here. I don't know what to do with it. Anyway. So, I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of quitting yesterday. Just walking out. I even cancelled one of my clients. I called my supervisor. We sat down and talked. He told me to calm down and just breathe. Great answer. I'm just going to have to ease into this slower than what we were all trying to do.

But, my supervisor brought up my "tank." He asked what I do to fill myself up. I better get serious about knowing my indicators. I better get serious about taking care of myself. If I really take care of myself, I wonder how many miles per gallon I'll get?