normal

My new job keeps throwing new challenges at me. I'm fine with that. As long as I can handle them I guess. So far so good. Yesterday I met some clients for the first time. These meetings were supposed to be brief introductions. One of the therapists I'm working with warned me before going in the home that this woman is very paranoid and closed off. He said she probably wouldn't talk to me, but she did want to meet me because she is very interested in the rehab services I will be doing for the agency. So, we knocked on the door and went in.

Almost an hour and a half later, I walked out in much surprise. Too many emotions and thoughts going through me to even try and process. I've really tried not to put too many expectations or pictures in my head because I just don't know what people will be like. The lady totally opened up with me and shared a great deal about her life and struggles. Rape by family members. Molested by family members. Paranoia. Obesity. Mental health issues. Physical health issues. Her daughter hears voices and has sadly experienced some of the same trauma. And the woman broke. She sobbed.

I desperately wanted to cry with her and for her. In the midst of all her sadness, she dried her tears and started talking about all the things she's overcome. My heart broke as she started crying again and said, "I just want a normal life." I get tears in my eyes now replaying the conversation. Everyone wants a normal life. But I heard what she meant...she knows the things that have happened to her are not normal. She wants to be recovered. She wants freedom from the things that torment her. She wants something different and better than what she is forced to deal with. I'm just amazed by her strength and determination.

I struggled sitting there watching and listening. Doesn't God offer hope in these situations? Doesn't God offer healing? Doesn't He offer peace? But I could not minister those things to this woman. And I realized part of me was getting angry. Angry because my job won't let me talk about God. Angry because of what has happened to this woman. Angry that she doesn't feel safe. Angry. The therapist warned me. He warned me about several things: having a plan to de-stress after a day of work and not carrying these clients around with me. But how?

So, a couple of funny things happened though. The first was that I told one mother that I did hate kids. I'm sure that comforted her greatly since I was there to work with her son. That was a winning moment. The other was when I freaked out when a mouse ran across the floor in one home. I did keep my composure in front of the family.

And now for the Moment of the Day. The client is 8 years old.
Therapist: So, how's the client's pet lizard?
Mom of client: Oh, fine. Before client left, client left strict instructions with little brother on how to take care of lizard. Lizard is good. Just ate. Had to buy crickets for it to eat. Can you believe this container of crickets cost $5?
Therapist: Well, why don't you just feed him the roaches that crawl around your house?
Me: (telling myself repeatedly that this is normal)
Mom of client: Yeah, I know. Then I wouldn't have to buy crickets. Save me some money. But my son said he doesn't want to feed the lizard the roaches because they have been in the poison traps. If the lizard eats the roaches, he might get poisioned and die.
Therapist: Yeah, there you go.
Me: Wow. That makes sense.

And it did.