home on the range

We made it home from camp! Actually, I think we've made it home from everything. For a while I was wondering when I would get to sleep in my own bed! The next three weeks will hopefully prove to be some down time before school starts. Once again the summer zipped right past us.

Camp was good this year. It was nice to get away. I didn't catch much of the services though. Sean and I lead worship this year. Well, I didn't actually lead, but I was a part of the worship team. We both played the morning and evening services. When you add that time to the rehearsal time plus the altar/decision time...we were playing/singing like 5-6 hours a day! That's a lot! We also taught a worship workshop. That was pretty cool. Stretching for us and for the kids who came. It was really a neat thing. Our days were pretty full. We didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with friends or anything. We did have a few meaningful conversations though. Camp was really different this year since we didn't go with a church. I guess it really didn't matter though. There was a team game that you could "belong to." We had other friends that we ate meals with and hung out with. But, I still missed "belonging" to a church group at camp. Kind of weird. Since we're not with a church right now, I expected questions. There were some. Not as many as I anticipated...maybe because some people were kind enough not to ask...maybe because I didn't hang around long enough to give people an opportunity. It's not anyone's fault for asking. We were with that church for 7 years and now we're not...why wouldn't someone ask? I would ask me.

I find myself still asking, "why?" I keep wanting to know why. I keep wanting a reason...a good one. It wasn't our choice to leave the church we were at. So, why can't we be there? I keep asking myself stuff like that a lot. I don't know why I ask myself. I don't have the answer! But, I do keep asking God. I was really, really moved this past week...at a church we visited and at camp. I may never have the answer I want/need. I may never know "why." Can I trust God? Will I trust God? Will I? A word was spoken at this church: "Stop praying to find answers, and start praying to find Him." I know that's what I've been doing. I keep asking God why I'm at this place in my life. How did I get here? Why am I here? On and on and on....

I can open my heart to the Lord and ask those things, but really, have I forgotten why I'm praying? Have I become so focused on finding answers that I forgot He already has all the answers? How could I forget simply who He is? What is the purpose of my prayers? What are the intentions of my heart? Have I really connected with God, or am I just venting again? Pretty challenging stuff to re-focus on Christ. Re-focus. Re-orient. Re-align. Re-. Do it again.