conversations in my head

Life: "Tonya, I'm going to stir things up for you a bit and see if you can handle it."
Tonya: "Um. Well, ok. Let's see what you got."
Life: "How about Situation A? Situation B? Situation C? D? E? F?"
Tonya: "Bring it."
Life: "How about more? (insert evil laugh here)"
Tonya: "What the heck..." (note the panic face)
God: "Tonya, I am in control."
Tonya: "Oh crap. I forgot...again."

Is there ever a time when things are not being stirred up in my life? This year has been like a whirlpool. My head has been spinning since April, and I think I'm starting to get dizzy. Just when everything slows down to a slower pace, someone or something rocks my world again. And the spinning commences. Sometimes spinning is good. It moves things around so nothing has a chance to get stagnant.

Maybe I'm supposed to feel like one of those homemade ice cream makers. The most important part of the process is turning the crank on the machine. You can't stop turning the handle...until it's perfect. Interesting analogy.

I was at a leadership retreat this weekend. Discussing more Birkman Leadership stuff. That stuff is so simple yet powerful. I discovered so much about my team. I discovered even more about myself. Two powerful things hit me early, early Saturday morning: (1) I have to learn to say the good "f" word, and (2) I feel safe now in my environment. Both of those are powerful releases. If I can say that "f" word...wow. Acknowledging that I feel safe with my team...wow. Those two things are freeing for me personally.

Self-discovery = power = freedom = wholeness. That's my goal. That's what I want. So, no matter how I got to this place I'm at, at least I'm closer to my goal.