Christmas - Part 1

My neice, Maegen, and me. She is hilarious!

The Moore fam on Christmas Day

The crazy siblings!

Nerts anyone?? (Take note of the Tennessee Volunteer playing cards...that were not mine, but I got to play with them!)

Epictetus

So, I'm reading this book for work right now, The Epictetus Club. It's pretty interesting. I can think of several spiritual analogies within the reading. A coworker and I are leading a group for an alternative school here in Tulsa. The book is very thought-provoking. The discussions that we've had with the group of kids is amazing.

Today, in chapter 5, we discussed how to determine what is within our control and what is not and how to tell the difference. How do we react or respond to the things we can't control. I believe there is a difference in reacting and responding to things that aren't within our control. Our attitudes and choices can make our lives pleasant and happy or crap.

It was interesting to listen to a different generation discuss these thoughts. These 17 & 18 year old kids...and granted I know they are in alternative school for a reason...all have the mentality and perspective that if someone does something they don't like then they have no choice but to retaliate. Some of that comes from their age...some from the environment they've been raised in...some from their culture. I get that. But it is so disturbing to me that they see no other options but verbal and physical harm.

The group of kids were really challenged to think today. As I was also. I even offered to the group that I don't always choose to respond to my own family. Sometimes I just react. That's not good. Today's discussion really challenged me more to stop and think. I didn't realize until recently how impulsive I can be.

I teach my clients to "Stop and Think!" I even made up a catchy song for the kids I see so they would remember! Now I'm learning from my own lessons. Life works like that, eh? It does.

The Epictetus Club is a easy, good read. True story. Check it out.

skanks...

I like Katy Perry. I like her music. So. I can if I want. My daughter says Katy Perry is a skank, a slut. I don't know how she thinks she knows that. I mean really. I mean if I am a 30ish year old woman who likes skanky teenage music...well, so. And what's wrong with Lady Ga Ga? I mean just because these women have serious wardrobe issues...and just because they wear lots of makeup...it doesn't mean they can't provide fun music for me to drive to and clean my house to. Come on. I'm not gonna feel bad about having dance parties in the privacy of my own home when all of my family is not home.

So, I am at my first NBA game tonight! Pretty fun stuff. I've been to some exciting college basketball games before, but not an NBA event like this!

I'm in OKC watching the Thunder lose to the Utah Jazz. Nevertheless, it's still fun to watch. There are lots of people dressed up since it's Halloween night.

Hope the Thunder can turn this game around!
Sent on the Now Network� from my Sprint® BlackBerry

a personal vacation

One day towards the end of September, I woke up and decided I wanted to go visit my sister and her family. I gave my work about two weeks' notice that I would be gone. Set up getting a free ride with my parents who happened to be driving that way....and I went! I spent 10 days in the mountains in New Mexico, and I wish I could already go back! It was beautiful!

We went to the International Balloon Fiesta, visited a pumpkin patch, took my niece to pre-school, played and played, painted pumpkins, went hiking, picked raspberries....it was an awesome, relaxing time!

Nate, Terri and I are painting our pumpkins.

The kids and I are resting from picking raspberries.



Katie loved taking pictures with my camera!

Here I am at pre-school with Kaitlyn. (Katie is on the left)

Katie, Terri, Dad and me at the Balloon Fiesta....we were waiting for the night glow and fireworks.

Terri, Kaitlyn and me on the hayride to the pumpkin patch.

Sisters!

(and the pumpkin rolled over to the side of the picture is courtesy of my nephew, Zach)

Terri and I racing Nate on pedal carts at the pumpkin patch. Sadly, Nate won. It is hard to pedal one of those cart things in that kind of altitude. I took 3rd place.

Katie, Zach and I posed for a picture at the entrance to the pumpkin patch. And I am telling Zach we cannot roll the pumpkins off the hay and watch them bust open on the ground. Although it would have been fun.

And here I am at the balloon fiesta with this fine storm trooper...who actually talked and was bossing people around. Kind of a weird experience.

My sweetie niece, Kaitlyn

It was a fun, fun trip! I took off and left Sean and the kids at home. My first time to get away like that. It was awesome to just relax and not have to worry about anything. A time of good, good rest that I needed. Can't wait to do it again!

inspired by Fergie

I've been working on my fitness. And I've lost a total of 10 pounds over the last month. I'm pretty proud. I'm even more proud that I can wear clothes I haven't been able to wear in a while. And I will keep going.

it's magic, magic, magic

Just an update of sorts. No big news. In other news, my boys are attending Catoosa schools this year. Aaron is playing football. Devon is focusing on his grades. They started classes on Wednesday. So far, so good. We'll see what this year holds.

Holly starts her senior year on Thursday. I can't believe she is a senior. We are planning her senior pictures. She is playing volleyball this fall. Lots of stuff going on with her! Can't believe this is her last year of high school!

In other news, I have only been fishing one time this summer. I didn't catch anything.

In more exciting news, I haven't read any novels this summer. I guess I need to work on that!

And to top it all off...in just a few weeks, Sean and I will celebrate our unofficial anniversary of being together 8 years. I can hardly believe it. 8 years. Holy fire.

And in other news, more news to come!

The "eyes" have it!

The eye is the jewel of the body. (Henry David Thoreau)



You never know how you look through other people's eyes. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)



It is better to trust the eyes than the ears. (German proverb)



The eyes are the mirror of the soul. (Yiddish proverb)



Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust. (Proverbs 4:23 Msg)



Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have! (Matthew 6:22 Msg)

It's interesting what you can see in someone's eyes. Most of us can tell by looking at someone's eyes whether they are happy, sad, angry, or confused. But an Iridologist can see much more! According to Wikipedia, an Iridologist is "an alternative medicine technique whose proponents believe that patterns, colors, and other characteristics of the iris can be examined to determine information about a patient's systemic health."

I've been dealing with one issue specifically but have been too fearful to go to the doctor for treatment. So, my boss suggested I go see Phyllis. Phyllis. My boss tells me she looks in people's eyes and addresses any health concerns she sees. Just by looking at your eyes. I'm thinking my boss is a wacko. And I can just see him dropping me off at her house and getting locked in her basement. But I was wrong. It wasn't quite that creepy. My boss had suggested me seeing Phyllis several times. Last week I finally gave in. What could it hurt?

I just have a huge hang up about someone staring into my eyes. What will people see? Will she cast a spell on me? Will she see more than just physical issues? Will she see my hang ups? Will she wonder why I haven't waxed my eyebrows or mustache?

But I went. Phyllis looked in my eyes. Wrote down several things. Two pages front and back actually. And the crazy thing is that the health concerns she had were things I really have trouble with. How could she see all that in my eyes? And she only looked for less than 5 minutes!

She does this eye-looking in a health supply/vitamin store. She suggests certain vitamins and supplements to take to help with whatever concerns she writes down. I ended up with a couple of things she suggested. I've almost been taking them a week. And I know it's crazy, but the supplements are helping!

I found this chart online. I guess this is how Phyllis looks at the eyes to know what to write down.

My friend keeps calling her a witch doctor. I'm not sure she is an actual witch doctor. But she helped me find some natural things to take instead of some crazy medicines from the doctor.

Craziest thing I've ever done. I'm out of control I tell ya.

now and then

This is my sister, Terri, and me. We just finished painting the dog house for my dog, Brownie. We were pretty proud of our fine craftsmanship.

This is my sister and me. Christmas photos obviously. Thanks, Mom, for not making me wear red tights!

Here we are on my wedding day. I couldn't find the picture of my sister and me on her wedding day.

I miss my sister. Her birthday is Friday. The big 30!!! We always have fun together...playing cards, watching movies, quoting movies, laughing. It didn't always use to be that way. We fought all the time growing up. We definitely had our own thing going on. I was mean to my sister. She pretty much hated me. She will probably say she still does...to torture me. She always tries to get me to believe I was adopted.

Somewhere during our college years, we started getting along and spending more time together. She is an important part of my life. We don't talk nearly enough. She gets mad when I don't return her calls. I hate missing out on her kids' lives. My brother-in-law is a riot, and I hate that they live so far away.

Best memory of my sister? One year she made me a card for my birthday. She had spent a lot of time on it. It taught me a very humbling yet valuable lesson. I was rude, horrible and mean. I didn't appreciate her card at the time. I'm pretty sure I made fun of it. But, I still have it. She made it. For me. Took time and thought to make it just for my birthday. Terri is awesome. I love her, and am so glad she's my sister.

get a room

Sean and I decided to spice up our date night Friday night. Ahem. We went bowling. Sean really does enjoy to bowl. I enjoy the first game. Because by the end of the first game, I am so stinkin frustrated that I suck and Sean is beating me. But this time, I did pretty good. I think I even laughed during the second game. Yes, that's right. I said second game. Actually we bowled 4 games! By the time the night was over I had bowled a 134. Amazing all-time high score for me! Thank you, thank you.

There were two younger couples bowling next to us. Couple #1 had to encourage each other between each turn with disgusting groping, drinking shots, and slobbery kissing. Oh, and dancing! How could I forget the dancing! After about an hour or so, the two girls were pretty much wasted. Remember these people were already there...and drinking...when Sean and I arrived. They were having quite a bit of trouble walking. Don't ask me how they kept up the game. I never did look at their scores. I was too busy being entertained by their shenanigans.

So, I just bowled another strike and tried to get Sean's attention. But I couldn't. I follow his eyes to see these two girls kissing and acting reallll crazy! What do you do when you see stuff like that? Look away? Stare? Offer breath mints? Seriously, I'm not sure. I decided to see what their boyfriends were thinking about this. One boyfriend was bowling and turned around to talk to them...saw his woman kissing another woman...and walked over immediately and pulled her off! I don't know if the girl was mad or embarrassed. She started crying. Her boyfriend had to help her walk out. I'm not sure if the girl knew what she was doing or not.

Maybe after so many shots, it's hard to differentiate between males and females. Her friend and boyfriend did both have dark hair. Maybe she just got confused. Or maybe she really wanted to kiss her friend. That was a girl. Maybe the Katy Perry music videos inspired her. I'm not sure. I was a little scared to go talk to them. I didn't want to be next!

I just don't think girls kissing girls is right. I know there is some hot stuff going on right now with girls doing all that social kissing just for the fun of it when they go out. Just seems silly. It's one thing to do it for attention. It's another to do it because a person thinks they are gay.

Or. Maybe the boyfriend was just jealous he wasn't getting any kissing action.

call me Betty Crocker

Check it. I made this soccer ball cake. All by me onesie. Even made the delicious buttercream icing. Holla now, I ain't lyin!

Aaron had a birthday last week. He wanted an edible fruit arrangement. Um, a little pricey! So, I decided I would make one. That didn't turn out so great. He loves soccer, so I found a soccer ball cake mold and decided he was going to have to settle for the above masterpiece. It turned out pretty good. I did make some fruit kabobs though, so Aaron got the fruit he wanted.

I probably had more fun making the cake than Aaron really cared about. That's ok. I enjoyed the decorating part too! I'm thinking this could be a new hobby for me. I'm not going to be taking orders or anything.

Now that I have the mold for this cake, everyone in our family will be getting soccer ball cakes for their birthdays. Deal with it.

who's your momma?

Today is my mom's birthday. What a momma! She and dad came to Tulsa so we could celebrate with her! She really wanted to see Toy Story 3, but dad said she had to have small children with her to see it. Alas, we were fresh out of small children, so she chose Karate Kid instead. It was fun...the movie started about 30 minutes later than scheduled. But we had fun eating our popcorn! After the movie, dad treated us to Joe Momma's pizza. Very fitting, I think, since it was mom's birthday. Good times!

My mom always makes me laugh. So glad she is my mother!

Connection 2010

Foursquare Connection...that is my husband!!!

Foursquare Connection...Me in the blue shirt...Thursday night main session

Foursquare Connection...Thursday night main session

Thursday night sound check...Dean and Keren listening to the sound

Mike and Sean tuning up

Mitchell and Ose leading the choir...I'm in the blue shirt!


Our new president, Glenn Burris


Tuesday morning sound check...my Sean in the white shirt

Saturday night rehearsal

My first Chicago style hot dog! From a cart! In the park! In Atlanta! It was awesome!

Centennial Olympic Park

I almost forgot to blog about Atlanta! It was hot. It was humid. It was rainy. There you go. The road trip wasn't really that bad. I helped drive, but I got to sleep also. I only had one claustrophobic panic attack. So, it was good. Being in tight, enclosed places for very long freak me out. Especially a car. That smells like butt and feet. That's the downside of road trips. No matter how much deodorant people wear...no matter how many times they brush their teeth in the gas station bathroom...no matter how many times you roll down the window...the car always ends up smelling like butt and feet. Our car wore that nasty smell for a few hours of the trip.

My stupid foot was really bad that week we were there. So, I ended up not doing very much. It was just too painful to walk. I decided to catch up on some Law & Order episodes (even though I rarely watch the show) and sleep! It was good! I did meet some new people, and that was nice!

Dean and Keren, my friends and pastors, were asked to lead a few worship sessions for Connection. I think I heard there were about 3500 people there. Sean played guitar in the worship band. I got to sing in the choir during the Thursday night session. Being up on the stage with lights and clocks and stuff was a little intimidating. But it was a really special honor and privilege to be asked to participate. I'm thankful for the time. It was awesome!

The sessions and workshops were full of good information. Francis Chan spoke one night! Challenging stuff I tell ya! It was a good trip.

my new suede shoe

This is my new left shoe. For the week. Until Monday. Don't be jealous that I know how to rock this fine piece of footwear.

It's been crazy. I remember the day and time this goofy foot mess began. I was working with a kid at an elementary school. May 28. The day before we left for Atlanta. I felt a small sting on the side of my big toe. I scratched at it and went on. No big deal. As the morning went on, it turned into a big oozing sore. And it was painful.

Well, I had some athelete's foot going on at the time, so I just attributed the sore to that. Especially after my in-depth research on Google and WebMD. But I didn't want to go all the way off to Atlanta and have it get worse. So, I went to the grand 'ol Claremore Indian Hospital the next morning.

The woman looked over my foot. Seemed she took my word for it that it was just some bad athelete's foot. Gave me some antifungal pills. And sent me off to Atlanta. But I went on to work after that. Couldn't even get my shoe on and tied without lots of pain.

It got worse in Atlanta. Lots worse. I stayed in the hotel room because it was too painful to walk.

I went back to the Indian hospital when I got home. The same woman looked at my foot again. They tested me for diabetes, lupus, and rheumatoid arthritis. This time she gave me some prednisone. Well, the prednisone is not clearing up the sores. And my bloodwork all came back good.

So, today I was sent to the podiatrist. He looked it over. Looked at the new sore that had developed since last week. Tortured me by swabbing the open, oozing sore with soap and antiseptic. And then told me he didn't know what it was. Thank you so much, Dr. Lashley. And no, the names in this story have not been changed to protect the innocent because this guy made me mad.

So, now I'm on prednisone and amoxicillin. I have specific instructions on how to care for my foot. And as noted in the picture above, I will be wearing the lovely shoe all week.

If my foot does not get better, Sean will be accompanying me back to the lovely Dr. Lashley's office. Because he said he will give me a shot in my toe. I'm not sure what he will do after the shot. I forgot to pay attention after the word "shot." He could cut it off for all I care. It's the sticking of the needle in my toe that I am much afraid of. Put me out for that shot. Wake me up for the amputation. In that order please. Well, not really. But I don't want a shot in my toe.

I don't know why I'm blogging about my toe. But it's my blog. I can do whatever I want. And besides I'm practicing my writing skills for upcoming book.

meanwhile...

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along if we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. (Romans 8:26, Msg)

Reading over this in church this morning totally distracted me to several different thoughts. First, I don't know why I am blogging so much. My track record proves I'm not very consistent. But I forgot how much I like to write. So, this is a good outlet for me to get back into.

One thought I had after reading over that verse is how restless Sean was last night. He wasn't sleeping well, and therefore, neither was I. He kept tossing, turning, mumbling, scratching his feet. Last thing I remember was seeing the clock read about 2:37 or something. I played Sudoku on my phone to try and make myself sleepy. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Sean's restless night was annoying. I wanted to sleep. I was tired. That verse triggered my thinking. I wonder if God gets annoyed with my restlessness.

Restlessness and sighing and mumbling and moaning...those are often the times we don't know what to say or do.

I picked up a lady and her two kids for church this morning. Her youngest, a two year old, doesn't speak well. Yet when she wants something, she will yell or scream. Normal communication for a two year old? Maybe. As the screams were irritating me, I remembered the verse again.

How frustrating for her to not be able to ask for or get what she wants. She doesn't know the words. It's not like she knows the words and is just so frustrated can't think of them. She doesn't know the words to even recall them!

How many times have I been in a situation like that? I know the words to communicate. But I get so impatient and don't want to take the time to communicate clearly.

But when I'm truly at a place where I'm tired and can't go on...God is right there alongside me. I love that picture. Alongside. I first heard that word when I was an RA at OCC. We were trained as RA's to come alongside the students on our watch to help them. When you come alongside someone, you can help them better. You can't push people ahead of you. You can't drag them behind you. But you can walk at their pace alongside them. I love that. That's where God is with me right now.

He knows my worries. He knows my fears. He knows my questions. He knows my doubts. He knows my weaknesses. He's still there alongside me. Because I wait with hope that He will carry me. Because I wait with hope that He will help me.

annabelle smith

"I love it when a good plan works out."

Liam Neeson is good. One of my favorites. We took the kids out tonight to spend a little family time. Interesting family time. First, we visited my cousin, Jami, in the hospital. She gave birth to her 5th child on Thursday. This time around has been a little difficult for her, so I've been spending some time with her at the hospital. We all went to visit again today. Funny we ran into my parents there! That's always fun! I love my mom and dad...and I love that my kids love them.

Then we went to another hospital to visit a dear friend of ours in ICU. He had a bad spell of scary high blood pressure. He seems to be doing better and better, and it was good that we could go encourage him.

Then we were off to have an adventure...we went to Taco Cabana for the first time. I had a pretty good experience. Even ate some jalapenos. Not sure why. But I'm crazy like that.

Then we decided to go see The A-Team. We loved it! I laughed. It felt good to laugh. Great movie. And I just really want to send a memo to Liam and ask him not to wear gray hair. It takes away his edge. He's really got an image to maintain. The gray kind of softened him up in this movie. Didn't take away from his blue eyes though. Not that they are any match for my husband's amazing eyes. You can get lost in those things, I tell ya. Sean's eyes. Not Liam's.

So, Liam, grab a bottle of Just For Men on the way home, would ya? Ok then.

learning the ropes

So, my work did a ropes course today. For some odd reason, I could not pass on the chance to be outdoors...doing something adventurous...and getting paid to do it. Who else could pass that up? Seriously?

Well. Obviously I have forgotten a few things. I forgot that I am 33 years old. I forgot that I haven't exercised in who knows how long. I forgot that I am overweight. I forgot that I can't push myself past my own fears. So, knowing that I forgot all these very important things...I went to the ropes course!

I went ahead and harnessed up with everyone else. I soon realized I probably wouldn't get a turn at the elements with so many kids there. I began to feel a bit relieved. But ever the prideful one, I made sure all the kids were getting a turn. I was there for the kids, right? The kids are the most important thing, right?

I took a girl with me who is afraid...not more afraid than yours truly though. She put on her brave face and climbed up the pole to the zip line. Without any encouragement from me. Then when she got to the top, she was too afraid to come down on the zip line. I began talking to her and encouraging her from the ground. My efforts weren't working.

I quickly realized I would have to climb up the stupid pole and go down with her! My gut immediately began the roller coaster ride of emotions! I knew the girl would be upset with herself if she didn't finish the element. So, I connect to the belay and start climbing up the pole. Much to my great surprise, I made it up the pole...only faintly out of breath.

Then I freaked out. Internally. I was up on the platform. This girl was not going down the zip line without me doing it with her. I was in the same predicament she was! Isn't it ironic, don't ya think? Thank you, Alanis.

So, the girl said she would go if I went first. Here comes my co-worker, Mike. Holy fire. That's all I needed. A co-worker to witness how much of a chicken I really am. Then the facilitator says, "On the count of 3, walk off the platform." I refrain from peeing my pants as well as fight the urge to puke. I look over at the girl and realize this is no time for me to be scared. I have to go and show her I can do it...so she can do it. I try to remember to breathe. I look at Mike and say, "Mike, I gotta sit down and go. I can't walk off the platform!" I look at the facilitator and say, "Dude, you gotta loosen my belay so I can sit down."

Mike says in an ever so quiet voice, "Tonya, I think you need to challenge yourself and not sit down." Right at that moment...in my mind...I slapped the fire out of him. But I knew he was right. So, the facilitator counted to 3...

And Mike and I walked off the platform. I screamed. Then in a split second, I realized what I did! It was awesome. I looked back and saw the girl still standing on the platform. I had to feel bad for her and proud of myself all at the same time. I flipped upside down and finished the zip line!

You can only do so much for people. I can't do things for people. They can only do for themselves. I can encourage and help. I felt so bad for this girl who was mad at herself later for not finishing the element. I couldn't do anything about her feelings. I can help her work through them so she can challenge herself next time she is in a situation to face her fears. But I can't do it for her. She has to do it. I might have climbed back down the pole had Mike not been up there with me! And besides, I took my sons with me. They aren't scared of anything. So, I had to prove to them that 'ol mom is pretty adventurous. Oh crap. Who am I kidding?! Devon's reaction said it all after I told him I did the element and went upside down...he said, "You did?!" But maybe it earned me some cool points.

I learned something today. I learned the ropes.

I was up late last night. Another night I couldn't sleep. I decided to watch Girl, Interrupted again. Wynona Ryder playing a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder. What does that mean? Borderline? What is she on the borderline of? I just keep thinking and wondering, not even looking up what the disorder even really is.

But something in the movie got to me. The scene where Whoopi Goldberg comes to check on Wynona right after the character Brittany Murphy plays kills herself. They talk about feelings. I can't remember what the lines are exactly. But I can say what it got me thinking.

Feelings can be scary. Emotions can be overwhelming. I deal with that on a daily basis in my job. Learning what to do with myself when I see and hear other people who are out of control. These people have real problems. Real drama. Real crises. But all those things belong to those people. Not me. That is hard to accept. I don't want to be fake. I don't want to be patronizing. I want to be real. I want people to know I care. But I gotta own my own problems. I can't own someone else's. And so, I let or allow the emotions and feelings I have about my job and my clients come over me. But I can't let them linger. I can't let them stay on me. It doesn't mean I don't care. It just means I'm learning that I can't fix anyone but myself. That, too, is hard to accept when I see so many things I want to fix!

I'm learning it's healthy to accept my feelings and emotions. Just because I feel a certain way doesn't necessarily mean anything bad or negative. When I get real with myself and admit I feel angry or sad or whatever...I'm being real. I'm not denying or hiding what or who I am. I see the value and power in that. Being real with myself about all of me...about who I am...is the most freeing thing. I don't have to make apologies. I don't have to make excuses. I don't have to hide. I can be free. I can be me. No matter what that means.

Now. To try and actually live that way tomorrow!

dualing

Maybe dualing isn't a good title for this post. Dual implies two, and I have way more than two thoughts in my head right now.


It's Father's Day weekend. Many mixed emotions. We won't be able to celebrate with my father-in-law this time. That is very bittersweet. It's comforting to know that Rusty is fully healed and in Heaven. But I still miss him. Our whole family misses him very much. Rusty was so, so sweet.

This photo was taken in Joplin at Bella Peppers. We ate together and celebrated Rusty and Janie's 40th wedding anniversary...March 2008.

My parents came up to spend the day with us for Father's Day. My dad took us to Big Splash! How funny is it that my dad treated us on what was supposed to be his day. That's just the kind of guy my dad is. He's awesome! I had a lot of fun today with my parents and Sean and my boys. Swimming. Laughing. We couldn't leave the park without dad and Sean making me go down the Silver Bullet. The only other time I went down that slide was when dad made me...when I was in high school! I got to the top and told myself not to look down. Just sit down and go! But how can you not look down?! Of course I looked down! And I got scared and almost didn't go. But. I did. And it was fun. I screamed the whole way down of course. Mom said she heard me as she was waiting in line at the other water slides. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to overcome her fear. Right? And the most satisfying thing is getting off the slide putting my swimsuit back where it goes in all the appropriate places...knowing I just went down the Silver Bullet...and all the people watching didn't! I did it!

This picture is of Dad and Zach. We were hanging out on the porch just talking. Zach was entertaining us. My dad loves people, loves kids, loves helping all of them.

Tomorrow is a sad day. Tomorrow will be one year that Meghan died. I remember the phone call. It was a Saturday morning. It was early for a Saturday. About 7am or so. Sean and I were sleeping in. My phone rang, and just before I missed the call I saw it was dad. Almost annoyed that my dad would call that early on a Saturday, I decided to wait and call him back later. Then Sean's phone rang. He saw it was my dad, so he answered. Sean got out of bed immediately. I heard the sound of shock in his voice. It's sad that I know what the inflection in someone's voice means. My mom's side of the family has certainly not been unfamiliar with death. Death is a natural part of life, but it seems much more natural for my mom's side of the family. Certainly in a spiritual sense, these deaths have me asking a lot of questions. We've lost someone from each generation.

This is dad giving Meghan away at her wedding. July 25, 2008.

I have to remember her. Meghan was so funny, and I always laughed with her. She could be so sassy yet she was so caring. It's hard to know what to say about her. Or maybe it's harder to identify how I feel about her being gone. I miss her so much. She was my cousin by blood, but she was my sister in our hearts. Gone before her 22nd birthday. Gone before her 1 year wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem fair. And I'm reminded that who am I to decide what is fair. Meghan's days were pre-ordained by God before she was even conceived. I miss her. And I wonder what happened that night. Why and how she and her husband lost control of the truck. It's so hard to believe she is really gone. Her funeral was closed casket. No real closure and seeing her one last time to say good-bye. I miss her. so. so. so. so. so. so. so. much.

This is me, Meg, and Terri. Meghan's wedding day. Terri and I had a blast helping Meg plan her special day.

Well, it's all coming back to me now. I forgot that I want to make the most of my time with family. Enjoy my family. Enjoy my time with them while I'm with them.

Moonlight & Roses

Tonight was my daughter's first prom. Her junior prom. We had a blast getting ready for it. Picking out the dress. Practicing the perfect makeup. Fun memories.

My daughter with her best friend, Cara, and their dates.

My daughter and her best friend, Cara

My daughter is the most gorgeous girl. Ever. Simply stunning and beautiful.

My daughter and her date, Parker

stop, drop & roll

It's been a while since I had to participate in a fire drill. High school. I think that's the last time I ever talked about or practiced what to do in case of a fire.

I always thought fire drills were strange. I mean if there's a fire, you get out of or get away from whatever is on fire! Pretty much basic common sense.

But I guess kids don't have basic common sense. I know my own children don't sometimes. Why is common sense so common? It's not! We have to learn common sense! People are not born with common sense. We are taught everything we know whether by instruction or modeling.

So, I think myself, as an adult, can at times lack basic common sense. Take yesterday for example.

I went to an elementary school to see one of my clients. I brought a new game to try with this kid. I was into the game! We were getting it all set up. Putting the container together. It was one of those games where you put plastic sticks in all the different holes...through the container. Then after you get the sticks in, you put marbles on top of the sticks. Then, you take turns pulling the sticks out. Whoever makes all the marbles fall, loses! So, we were getting this game set up. I was trying to put the sticks in very strategic places so I could pull them out later and not make any marbles fall. Call it cheating if you want. I was just using basic common sense.

I jumped off my seat when the fire alarm started blaring loudly. Because of state testing this week, my client and I were in the cafeteria. I had this game spread out all over the table. I had also brought art supplies...markers, colored pencils, crayons, drawing paper, construction paper, chalks, oil pastels, etc. The stuff was everywhere.

The kid did not seemed phased at all about the fire alarm going off. So, we just kept messing with our game. Until an official, school-looking authority type lady came walking through the cafeteria. I was making eye contact with her as if she could read my mind. One of those women intuition type looks.

You know, if you don't have basic common sense, you might not have basic woman intutition either. If you're a woman.

So, as we awkwardly look at each other, I say, "So, do we need to go somewhere?" Then I realize that was a dumb question, and I hope she doesn't yell back, "Yeah, you can go to hell!" Sometimes these school ladies are mean. Especially if they have gray hair. And she did. And glasses.

She didn't yell anything at all. So, maybe some gray-haired, bespectacled school ladies are nice. It's a theory. She responded, "Yes, you need to go outside." But I still just sat there. I looked at my stuff. I was trying to decide how much it would cost to replace all my materials if, indeed, the school really was on fire.

So, I turn back to the school lady and ask, "Do I just leave my stuff here? Will I be able to come back and get it?" She smiles a polite smile and answers, "Yes, you can come back for it." Maybe I wouldn't have felt so dumb had she explained this was only a fire DRILL!

So, then I realize that I have a kid with me. So, I ask her yet another question, "Do I need to find this kid's teacher?" She says, "Yes, find the teacher when you go outside and let the teacher know the student is ok."

So, the kid and I go outside. We start looking for the teacher. Of course, using basic common sense, I ask the kid, "What does your teacher look like? Do you remember what she was wearing today?" He says.........."no." Nice. Good one, kid. How long do you look at this woman all day, 5 days a week? Seriously? I point out some teachers asking if that is this kid's teacher. I point out about 4. To EACH ONE, he initially says, "Yeah, that's her!" So, we begin walking towards the teacher. As we get closer, he says, "Oh, no, that's not her."

Kid, I'm about to take you over to the sand pit and fill your underwear with sand.

As I'm trying to figure out what to do next, I see more classes filing out of the school. So, we start looking for other teachers. I'm trying to figure out how long this is going to last. My game is still inside!

Then the principal calls out on the intercom, "Ok, students, good job! Congrats on getting out so quickly! You may no re-enter the building." Like I said, there were still students coming out of the building!

We never found my client's teacher. But at least I got all my supplies out of the cafeteria.

And I guess more importantly, I now know what to do in a school fire drill. It was a good day.

spinning round

Where do I even begin? God answers prayers in funny ways. Sometimes He even answers prayers we forget we prayed. Maybe even He sometimes does things that cause us to pray certain prayers. I don't know what happened this past week, but my mind is spinning.

There is a housing project out in West Tulsa that I go to visit clients. I have two families that live there. Both households have single women with children. One woman, Sarah*, has not stopped talking about God since I met her back in October. In my position, I'm not allowed to initiate conversation about God. I can talk freely when a client initiates the subject though. Well, I have watched Sarah sit and cry and mope around her house. Her 18 year old son moved out and across the street to live with her best friend, Jane*. About a month ago, Sarah made the decision to put her kids in a children's home. There is just so much to these stories.

But slowly I have been able to gain the trust of both these women. Last week, Sarah talked about wanting to go to church. I invited her to come with me. A few days later, Jane also said she would like to go to church. I invited her as well. Both women and their children came to church on Easter Sunday. They loved the service. Their kids loved it. Well, not all their kids came.

I saw both women today. I've been praying God would guide me in knowing what to do with these women. It's all happening so fast!! I am their counselor. Them coming to church has changed the dynamic of our relationship. I'm ok with that. I just don't know where to go from here. Today, Jane asked me to help her find a Bible study. Well, I'm not going to help her find one. I'm going to lead it!

She's going to talk to a couple of her neighbors, and we are planning on starting a Bible study next week in her home. Just two weeks ago, I was telling Sean that I wanted to do something like this. And in a matter of a few minutes, it happened.

This is all so crazy! God is sooo faithful. I can't believe He would choose to use me and allow me to be a part of all this! It just blows my mind! I never thought I would have the courage to do something like this.

So. I can't wait to see where this wild ride takes me next. But I'll be sure to keep you posted. :)

oh my

I took this picture a few weeks ago. It was actually during Holly's first soccer game. I love the "trouble" you can see brewing in the background. I love how the darkness of the sky illuminates the tree. Amazing.

springtime is here. flowers everywhere.

It's a new season. At least, I think it is. There's still snow on the ground. This may be a boring entry. But. This is my blog, and if you are reading it, it's not my fault.

We just returned yesterday from a trip to visit my sister. Got to snow ski also. Got to play with my niece and nephew. Got to see my niece's pre-school. Got to see my sister literally fly down a hill of snow. Memorable times.

I had a talk with my supervisor at work today. Talked about my clients and trying to catch up on all that happened in the short time I was gone. Most of these conversations lead to deeper thinking. Why do people do what they do? What motivates people to function the way they do? One woman in particular is suspected to have been abused by her father. Her sister has already admitted it. This woman won't. For fear her father will cut off payment and supply of a car and rent and other bill payments. Is there a fear of working? The thought that wouldn't leave me was why this woman would go to great lengths to "protect" her dad. Why would the dad continue to put forth so much money? Now that the woman is grown, why keep the family secret? To protect a reputation? Lots of other questions come. But no answers. Seems like a lot of work to take care of a grown woman and her 4 kids. All for the sake of a "secret." I wonder what that energy could also be used for. A positive, healthy relationship with his daughter. Meaningful moments with his grandkids?

Work sure makes me think a lot. Those thoughts sure push me to healthy change in my own life. That change helps me become more of who God wants me to be.

what a day

My job continues to challenge me. I've been working with a 14 year old girl who doesn't really have any friends. She is verbally abusive to her mother and grandmother. She has been sexually assaulted. She doesn't want to go to school. I've been working with a single mother in her 30's with 4 kids. She's bi-polor and depressed. She won't admit it. She won't take her meds consistently. What a history she has.

Or, how about today. I went to work with a single mother and her teenage daughter. The 17 year old daughter is pregnant. She's not too far along and is dealing with all day sickness or something. She can't keep any food down. The mom is obese. They are trying hard to make it in society, but they struggle. The mom loves holidays and is always trying to decorate or dress according to the upcoming holiday. So, today, I took some cookie dough and icing and candy to make a cookie cake. She took me in her kitchen to make the stuff. I opened a drawer to get a fork to stir up the ingredients. Roaches scattered all over the drawer. The butter was warm and melting because the fridge had been left open for who knows how long. When I opened the egg carton to get an egg out, there was onion skin and several egg shells in the carton...all looking like roaches had been in there. She had no dish towels, pot holders or paper towels, so I wadded up toilet paper to take the hot pan out of the stove. She left the kitchen for a minute, so while she wasn't looking, I quickly washed the utensils and my hands with her dish soap. Had to dry my hands with the toilet paper. Then after I did, I wondered why toilet paper was in the kitchen. At one point she went to the restroom, and I had to return some items to the kitchen. She left the bathroom door open. That was awkward for me to see that. This was all before her daughter came home from her GED classes. The daughter came home sick and not feeling well. She said she had thrown up several times at school. Poor girl. Well, she sat down in a chair to wait and rest. The mom was changing clothes. I went out to my car to move things around...I was getting ready to take them both to the ER. The mom had several absess teeth, and the daughter was tired of throwing up. Anyway. I walk back in the front door, and the daughter was leaning over and throwing up right in the floor. Didn't bother to try and get to the sink or a trash bag or whatever. Just threw up in the floor. So. I start to hyperventilate. I mean, my first thought was, "Well, glad they don't have carpet." My second thought was, "They can walk to the ER because I am going to vomit myself." I tried to swallow and regain my composure. I said, "Um, are you ok?" I said this standing from the doorway...still holding onto the doorknob. The mom then walks into the room and sees the vomit on the floor, steps over it, and tells her daughter to get her jacket on. I start to hyperventilate again...and think. I could outrun them easily. I could make it to my truck and drive off and they would never catch me. Part of me wished I had to vomit. I would have walked right over to the spot where the daughter threw up and add my own vile nasty. Then I would just look at them and wait for their reaction. Ok, so none of that happened. The mom says, "Well, now what are we going to clean that up on the floor with?" The daughter leaves the room and comes back with a t-shirt. My heart rate starts to rise. The daughter lays the shirt over the vomit. I didn't panic. I didn't get sick. My heart rate slows to almost normal. I make a mental note of what color the shirt is. Gray. After that, the daughter puts her coat on and we leave. Just like that.

I met a new client today. He is 5. He just moved to Oklahoma to live with his dad, whom he has never met, just a few months ago. The dad has mental issues, and I think the son does as well. So, the therapist I went with called the boy by a certain name when we arrived. After a few minutes, I couldn't remember what she had called him exactly. So, I asked the boy his name. He told me something different. That was odd. The grandma was all snuggled up on the couch with her blanket and her remote. She pulls out a joint. Looks like marijuana. I panicked and looked at the therapist thinking, "Holy moly! We've got a live one!" After the first few seconds of panic, I kind of got excited. I mean this might be my first chance to actually call the cops! But Grandma clarified that it was really just a cigarette. I was still looking for some excitement, so as she smoked, I kept inhaling deeply to try and see if it was really a cigarette or weed. Then I realized that wasn't really good. I wonder how much second-hand smoke I inhaled today? Crap. It really was just a cigarette. People will save the butts of their cigarettes. Unroll them and save all the tobacco. They repack it and roll it again in new paper. I am intrigued by the ingenuity of this procedure. I mean it really is remarkable. Very cost effective. I started to compliment the woman on her efforts for "going green." Everyone has to do their part.

While the therapist was talking with the grandma and father, I brought some pla-doh for the 5 year old. Another little girl was there. So, we played with pla-doh. The kids started to mix several colors, and I explained that we don't do that. We can't mix colors! We must pick up all pla-doh crumbs. But I don't think the kids understood. I went into the house with 10 different colors of pla-doh. I came out with 4. I'm not sure that went well. I don't know why the kids kept staring at me as I would pick up any pla-doh they weren't using and put it immediately back into a container. I am a pla-doh nazi. I even took the white pla-doh out of the little girl's hands. I mean, she wasn't actually using it right at that moment. I knew she was about to mix it with the purple. I was just trying to save the white. It did not want to be mixed with purple. Blue maybe. But not purple. The girl took it back out of the container and mixed it with the green. I pretended to eat about a dozen pla-doh white/green/orange/purple colored eggs. I was full by the time we left the house. Next time I will only take back the colors that they already mixed.

So. Another day is done. I did my best.

Just testing things out from my phone. Trying to see if I can really blog from my phone. What technology!

closing time

I've had lots to blog about. Trouble is I didn't have any motivation to make my fingers type. It's been a wild couple of weeks. Lots of snow and crazy weather. I've decided I don't really mind the snow. We had some quality family time while we were snowed in over the past weekend. Movies and popcorn. Card games. Staying up late. Sleeping in. Sledding with friends. Pretty fun stuff.

And the not so fun stuff. My father-in-law passed away. It's still hard to believe he is really gone. Like it's just weird to think about going to visit Sean's family, and he's not there. We all miss him very much. How does one deal with losing a parent? The person that created you. The person that gave you life. The person that taught you, trained you, raised you. Of course, Rusty is in heaven. That alone brings some comfort and peace. But it's really not enough. Because he's not here.

And the milestone stuff. Sean and I celebrated 6 years of marriage yesterday. We've made it to counting on two hands now. What a man. He loves me for me. He loves me and deals with all my junk. And he keeps on loving me. I wouldn't have chosen anyone else.

jumbled up

So, I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind. Thoughts about family. Thoughts about work. Thoughts about church. Thoughts about Christianity. Thoughts about marriage. Thoughts about the future. Thoughts about friends and so-called friends. Thoughts about exercise. Thoughts about growing. Thoughts about learning. Thoughts about thankfulness. Thoughts about forgiveness. Thoughts about boldness. See? I told you there was a lot.

Instead of trying to sort all these thoughts out, I usually just divert my attention to laundry or sleep or popcorn. I'm deciding now that I'm not going to do that. I'm going to pick one of those thoughts and actually think about it.

So. I pick...uh, ...oh, I guess I pick thankfulness.

I'm really not by nature a thankful person. Sure, I do appreciate words or gestures of kindness or love by others. Sadly, I don't always let the person know how much I appreciate them or thank them. Does that mean I'm rude? Does that mean I'm selfish? Probably. Something I never do is thank people just for who they are. There have been times in my personal worship time I thank God just for who He is just because He is...Himself. I don't do it enough. I don't thank my husband for just being himself. I don't appreciate him for who he is just as he is. Usually I'm annoyed by some petty little thing he does. I don't appreciate my kids for who they are. I'm not having a pity party. Rather, I think this could be called an awakening. I have great kids. I have an amazing husband. An even more than that, I have an awesome Savior and best friend. It kind of scares me to wonder if they even know how I feel about them.

And why? Why don't I do this more often? Because I'm selfish.

Forgive my selfishness, God. Help my husband and my kids forgive me for being so self-centered. Help me love the gifts you have given me in my family. Thank you for my husband. Thank you for my kids.

I think I'll plan to have some appreciation talks this week.

a new dawn, a new day, a new life...

Here is what has been happening in my life over the most recent weeks...in pictures.

My sister and her family came to visit. This is my awesome niece, Katie.

We celebrated Holly's 18th birthday a little early while Terri was in town.

Terri was able to watch Aaron play basketball and Holly cheering. Katie wore her cheerleader outfit to the game "just like Holly's."

Our church youth group put on a Christmas drama that the youth pastors wrote. It was amazing. The drama was called Natus Est meaning He is Born in Latin. This was before the production on the second night.

My oldest son, Devon, played Adam. Here God is giving Adam authority over the earth. Dev did an amazing job in his role.

I left my camera laying on one of the chairs, and these crazy girls got a hold of it. Asia, Holly, Zoe and Janelle.

We got our daughter a Blackberry for her 18th birthday, her first phone. This was her reaction when she opened her present. Pretty sweet.

My parents and the boys and I went down to Brookside for the first annual New Year's Eve street party...supposed to be something like Times Square in New York. It was alright. The boys got their picture taken with Julie Chin, the channel 2 meteorologist.

I didn't really understand why there were medievel people dressed up and walking around, but Dev wanted his picture taken with one of them.

This is mom and I trying to stay warm and wondering if it's midnight yet. It's a good thing we bought those tights at Wal-Mart!

The boys and I are trying to get on tv. The news people were doing a live spot right out front. Dev is holding the light saber sword looking thing. You can't really see me or Aaron...but we are there...on tv.

Happy New Year!