I was up late last night. Another night I couldn't sleep. I decided to watch Girl, Interrupted again. Wynona Ryder playing a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder. What does that mean? Borderline? What is she on the borderline of? I just keep thinking and wondering, not even looking up what the disorder even really is.

But something in the movie got to me. The scene where Whoopi Goldberg comes to check on Wynona right after the character Brittany Murphy plays kills herself. They talk about feelings. I can't remember what the lines are exactly. But I can say what it got me thinking.

Feelings can be scary. Emotions can be overwhelming. I deal with that on a daily basis in my job. Learning what to do with myself when I see and hear other people who are out of control. These people have real problems. Real drama. Real crises. But all those things belong to those people. Not me. That is hard to accept. I don't want to be fake. I don't want to be patronizing. I want to be real. I want people to know I care. But I gotta own my own problems. I can't own someone else's. And so, I let or allow the emotions and feelings I have about my job and my clients come over me. But I can't let them linger. I can't let them stay on me. It doesn't mean I don't care. It just means I'm learning that I can't fix anyone but myself. That, too, is hard to accept when I see so many things I want to fix!

I'm learning it's healthy to accept my feelings and emotions. Just because I feel a certain way doesn't necessarily mean anything bad or negative. When I get real with myself and admit I feel angry or sad or whatever...I'm being real. I'm not denying or hiding what or who I am. I see the value and power in that. Being real with myself about all of me...about who I am...is the most freeing thing. I don't have to make apologies. I don't have to make excuses. I don't have to hide. I can be free. I can be me. No matter what that means.

Now. To try and actually live that way tomorrow!