Ever have one of those moments where you are caught off guard? I'm not talking about someone saying something funny and you shoot milk out of your nose. I'm talking about one of those moments where your whole life's purpose is questioned and you feel about a foot tall. Maybe you haven't.
But I did. It really wasn't so bad. But, I was caught completely off guard by one of my clients.
Jane* (names have been changed) is teenage client I see once a week. I've been seeing her for a few months. Wednesday was my last session with her. We talked about some closure type things, and I encouraged her with things we had worked on. I decided our last session called for ice cream. Any chance I get to have ice cream or Sonic happy hour...you know I take it!
As Jane and I got in my car, she noticed my work badge hanging from my rearview mirror. She grabbed it and read out loud, "Tonya Moore...Counselor. You used to be a counselor? When did you do that?"
Pause.
I have been "counseling" Jane for the past 5 months. We talk about issues. We develop skills for her to use.
I stopped breathing when Jane asked me that. I was caught in between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry.
Those types of moments really make you do some serious self-examination. Have I really helped Jane? Have I failed? Did I model poor boundaries to where Jane didn't realize we were doing counseling? What did Jane think I was doing with her every Monday? Why did Jane think I was coming to visit her?
After a mini-meltdown, I started breathing again.
Unpause.
I said to Jane, "Well, I'm still a counselor. Isn't that a crazy picture?!" I had to divert the conversation so I wasn't tempted to cry again!
I still haven't come up with any answers. But maybe my style, technique and method of in-home counseling is just what I want it to be. Disguisable yet challenging and effective. Getting to know my clients and earning their trust to challenge them to change and face fears...all under the disguise of scrapbooking, playing cards, taking walks, painting, etc.
Yep. At the end of a long day, that's what I like to tell myself. I'm doing my job so effectively that my clients can't tell I've "counseled" them.
Don't judge my boundaries. Or my self-confidence.
I'm just using my gifts. And I'm in awe of how God is working through me.
1 comment:
Then again, maybe you're doing it exactly right, and the fact that she didn't realize it was counseling means that you're not being "a counselor" in the creepy "you sit on the couch while I take notes" sense of the word, and are actually doing your job so well that it's sort of invisible what you're doing.
I don't really know...I'm just saying...
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