Holy fire

Today was so overwhelming! Paperwork to sign. Paperwork to read. Meeting new people. Remembering names. Looking at computers. Asking questions. Answering questions. Abbreviations! Memorizing different codes and numbers. My goodness! Learning new things are not easy...at all. But I didn't think learning new stuff would be so difficult. Near painful. Near panic attack painful. 

But I can do this. Learning to ride a bike wasn't easy. Learning to drive was scary. But I did it. I didn't give up. And I won't give up now. I'm not a quitter. I'm not a failure. 

I'm a learner.

First Day

Today was my first day of my new job. Such a change from my previous job. I'm so thankful I get to do the same thing! Amazing! 

It was a crazy day full of lots of information. Lots of people met and names to remember. Lots of paperwork signed. 

I'm excited for this new journey, this new chapter. It's time for a change in my life. Change is scary. Change is good. Change is healthy. I can't believe I'm writing these very things. But I actually believe them. I want to be unafraid and healthy.

So. I keep taking steps forward. I keep walking. 

I want what I want...

I just want what I want. Is that so bad? Why can't I want things? 

Because my life is not about me. I don't want my life to be about me. I fight that every single day. 

Living for yourself is one thing. Being single and whatever. Just because I'm not married or dating doesn't mean I'm not in a relationship. I'm in a relationship with God. So I choose not to live for myself and what I want. I choose to whole-heartedly be in this relationship with God. I may suck at being selfless, but I'm working on it. And I'm thankful God is patient with me doing so.